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Through gritted teeth, I tipped my head to the sky and inhaled a deep breath. “I thought we agreed to give ourselves the holidays.”
“We did.” Slowly, she lifted her eyes to mine. So full of sadness and defeat. “You didn’t even hesitate. I guess it just caught me off guard.”
“Come here.” I pulled her into my arms and gazed down at her. “What I said doesn’t mean anything.”
“It hurt.”
“I know.” Fuck, I knew, and it gutted me. “But now is not the right time.”
“I don’t want to hurt anyone, Xander. I don’t want them to hate us. To hate you.” Her eyes shuttered as she inhaled a shaky breath. When she looked up at me again, I felt winded. “But I can’t stop this… I can’t stop feeling this way.”
“I know.” Gathering her closer, I pressed a kiss to her head. “I can’t either.”
Peyton slid her hands inside my jacket, curling them into my shirt. “I need you.”
Those three little words undid me.
Brushing my fingers along her jaw, I gently gripped her chin and tilted her face to mine. “I need you too.” More than you’ll ever know. I leaned down, kissing her. Once, twice, until our tongues tangled together in a rush of complete surrender to the connection burning between us.
“Xander.” My name on her lips was a whispered prayer.
“Merry Christmas, Peyton,” I breathed the words, kissing her harder, deeper. She clung to me, unwilling to let go. But we couldn’t do this, not now. Not here.
“Peyton, we have to stop…”
“No, I need—”
“I know, but we can’t, not here.” The words tasted bitter on my tongue. I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to push her against the nearest tree and spend my sweet time acquainting myself with every dip and curve of her body.
Desire danced in her eyes, but it winked out the second I pulled away from her. “I’ll see you inside,” she said coolly, her walls slamming back up.
Peyton whirled around and took off toward the house as I exhaled a steady breath, running a brisk hand over my face. It was the right choice, the only choice.
But it didn’t make it any easier to watch her walk away from me.
* * *
The next morning,I sat eating breakfast, staring at my cell phone, willing it to vibrate. My last text to Peyton taunted me, had done ever since I’d gotten home last night after finally leaving Jase’s house. He’d offered me the guest room. But I couldn’t be there, under the same roof as Peyton. Not after our brief kiss down by the lake.
Me: Let me make it up to you.
I didn’t knowhow I planned on doing that. Not when our options were limited to hanging out at my apartment, or in my truck somewhere under the cover of darkness or off the beaten track.
But I had to see her. Needed it in a way I couldn’t quite comprehend.
I hated that I’d hurt her, again.
She didn’t reply though. It was almost eleven and my cell phone had lit up precisely once, with a message from Cam. He wanted to build bridges. I’d sensed it last month at the team’s quarter-final game. But I knew the second he found out the truth, our shaky truce would come crashing down.
So I’d kept him at arm’s length.
I dumped my plate and mug in the sink and headed for a shower, but the vibration of my cell gave me pause. Relief flooded me at the sight of Peyton’s nickname.
Blondie: How?
My mouth curved.
Me: I’ll figure something out. Can you sneak away tonight for a few hours?
