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“Xander…” Cameron said from behind me, and I stood to greet my brother. I hadn’t seen him since Jase stopped by, but I knew he knew. He’d sent me a text message saying exactly what he thought of me and my ability to continuously screw up my life.
“I was expecting Jase,” I said.
“I wanted to do this.”
“If you’re here to rub salt in the wound, I’m all—”
“Why?” My brows pinched, and he let out a steady breath, but his anger was palpable. “Why her?”
“Sometimes you don’t choose it, it chooses you,” I murmured to myself. “Have you ever thought that maybe there was a reason I was there that night? That of all the people in this town, it was me who was right there at the moment she…” I still couldn’t say the words.
“What are you saying?” Cameron rubbed his jaw, staring at me with utter disbelief.
“Everyone kept going on about how I saved her that night. But maybe it was the other way around… maybe she saved me.”
“Xander, I—”
“It doesn’t matter now. I know what comes next.”
“You know, I wish it didn’t have to be this way.” He looked genuinely hurt.
“Yeah, well, I wish a lot of things were different.”
Cam pulled out an envelope from his jacket pocket and handed it to me.
“What is this?” I took it, peeking inside at the check with one too many zeros.
“Enough for you to start over.”
“I can’t take this,” I said, thrusting it back at him.
“Take it. But make sure you put it to good use. You know, I think this… time away, could be good for you. You’ve been lost a long time, Xander. Maybe it’s finally time to find yourself.”
It didn’t strike me as the time to tell him I’d already found myself in the smile belonging to a blue-eyed, blonde-haired angel who should never have laid eyes on me.
“How is she?”
“Xander, I—”
“Please, just give me this.”
“She’ll be okay.”
It was a non-answer. But in some ways, I was relieved he didn’t give me the truth—I wasn’t sure I could handle it.
“I know things haven’t always been easy with us,” he said, “but you’ll always be my brother, Xander. And I’ll always be here for you.”
Too choked up to reply, I gave him a small nod.
“I should go, Hailee and Ashleigh are waiting for me in the car. We’re heading to Bell’s for something to eat.”
“Tell them… tell them all I’m sorry.”
It was his turn to nod.
“I’m sorry we lost our way, Xander. I’ll talk to you soon.” Cam turned and left. He walked away from me like there was no coming back from this.
And maybe there wasn’t.
I stood there, clutching the check in my hand. I shoved it in my pocket and pulled out my smokes. But as I stared at the packet, his words rang through me. Maybe it’s time to find yourself. I crumpled the packet in my hand and threw it in the nearby trash can.
Glancing back at my parents’ headstones, a faint smile traced my lips.
It wasn’t much.
A small step.
But everyone had to start somewhere.
