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“Here I am.” I clinked my bottle against hers. “It’s not so bad. I have a decent apartment,”—thanks to Cameron—“and my building has a gym so I work out a lot. It helps…”
“Helps?”
Shit.
Tasha’s eyes narrowed and then widened. “Holy crap, you’re still hung up on her.”
“It wasn’t just some fling, Tash.” The defensive edge to my words surprised us both. “It was the girl I pulled from the river.”
“Whoa, you don’t do things by half do you?” She gave me a sympathetic smile. “Have you spoken to her since you left?”
“No.” I’d written a hundred text messages and deleted every single one. What could I possibly say to fix the mess I’d made of everything? Sorry certainly didn’t cut it.
Peyton had confessed she’d fallen in love with me, and I’d thrown it back in her face.
I’d called her a mistake.
Not a second went by when I didn’t regret that conversation, but I knew she would never let me walk away without a fight unless I hurt her. Unless I proved to her I was everything she’d always refused to believe.
I exhaled a steady breath and ran a hand down my face.
“I get it. You fucked up. But this is you, Xan, you’ve never let anyone in before. She must be special if she managed to find your heart under all that stone.”
“Fuck you.” I chuckled.
“Seriously though, you say she’s no longer at the high school?” I nodded and she went on. “And she’s eighteen?” Another nod. “So why the fuck are you still here? Unless you’re… hiding.”
“I’m not.” The words were flat.
“So, what’s the problem?”
“She deserves better,” I said, quietly, refusing to meet Tash’s eyes.
“Oh, spare me the bullshit. We all go through shit, Xander. Life is hard and messy, and sometimes it hurts… but we only get one shot at it.” She clapped me on the back. “I get the smoking and the drinking, we could all benefit from a detox now and again, but denying yourself a shot at being happy? That doesn’t make any sense to me.”
Tasha’s eyes drilled into the side of my face until I finally glanced over at her. “What?” I asked, unsure I wanted to know the answer. But Tasha was nothing if not honest.
“You deserve this.” Her lips curved into a warm smile. “You deserve to be loved.”
“Shit, Tash, I didn’t peg you for the sentimental type.”
“Trust me, it doesn’t happen often.” She smirked. “But it’s you… and I’ve watched you drink and fuck your way out of a black hole for too long. You care about her… don’t let that slip through your fingers over something as foolish as pride.”
Her words reverberated inside me, but she wasn’t done.
“You’ll regret it, Xander. If you don’t try to fix it, you’ll regret it. And you already have enough of those.”
I drained my soda wishing it was a beer. Tash had rattled me, forced me to look at things I didn’t want to look at, not yet.
But the real question was, was I going to do anything about it?
* * *
“Xander, over here,”Lynton beckoned me over.
“Hey, buddy, what’s up?”
“Julian brought his collection of trading cards in.” He flipped open the binder. “Check it out. He has the Jason Ford rookie card.”
