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“Xander?”Hailee blinked as if she couldn’t quite believe it. “This is a surprise.”
“Hey, is he home?”
“He is. Come in.” She beckoned me inside, taking my jacket and hanging it on the rack. “Halston looks good on you.”
“Thanks.”
“And how are things?”
“Jase didn’t tell you?” I frowned. It wasn’t like them to keep things from each other.
“He said you were okay.”
“I am. Life is surprisingly good.” There was just one thing missing.
“Hailee, is someone—Xander.” Cameron appeared, his expression grim. “So you are alive then.”
“Hello, Brother.”
“I’ll give the two of you some space.” Hailee kissed my brother’s cheek and then glanced at me. “It’s good to see you, Xander. Don’t leave it so long next time.”
I gave her a nod, watching her disappear into the living room.
“You came for her.” It wasn’t a question.
“I came to see her, yeah. But she isn’t the only reason I’m here. Can we talk?”
“Sure, I have some beers in the refrigerator.” He motioned for me to follow him.
“Actually, coffee or soda will be fine.” Cameron glanced back at me and frowned, so I added, “I’ve been cutting down.”
“Right.”
I perched at the breakfast counter. “How are things?”
“Xander, you can’t just turn up and expect me to shoot the shit. Not after what went down.”
“I know. Fuck, I know.” I dragged a hand over my face. “I don’t even know where to start.”
He pushed a mug of coffee toward me. “Try…”
“You know when I think back to when I was a kid, it isn’t Mom I remember, or Dad, it’s you. You were always there for me. No matter what. I idolized you, and when you left for college, it felt like my world imploded.”
“Xander, I—”
“No, let me get this out. All I ever wanted was to make you proud. But things got all twisted up. You had Hailee and then she got pregnant, and suddenly, I wasn’t the center of your world… and I know how messed up that sounds. But I couldn’t deal.”
I inhaled a thin breath. “Senior year, I was so fucking angry at everything. You kept pushing me about college, about the future… and I don’t know, I guess I resented you. I hated that everyone looked at me and saw the football star as if that’s all I was good for.”
“You had it, Xander. You could have gone all the way.”
“You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t regret that every second of every day? But deep down, I didn’t want it for me, Cam, I wanted it for you, for them… and I threw it all away because I couldn’t deal, because I was so messed from losing Mom and Dad… and you—”
“Xander, you never lost me.” His fists clenched against his thighs. “I was always there.”
“I know that now. I fucked everything up. I knew it the second I woke up in the hospital and saw the disappointment in your eyes. Things changed between us that day and rather than confess everything, I reinforced my defenses and shut you out. I shut you out because it was easier than facing the truth. I let you down. I let everybody down.”
