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Heat blossomed inside of my chest, but a sudden burst of emotion had a fresh wave of tears sliding down my cheeks. “Sorry, I’m a mess.”
“It’s okay,” he said again, brushing the hair from my face. I nodded, inhaling a deep, calming breath. “Better?” Xander held me still, his eyes still fixed on mine.
“A little, thanks.”
He gave me a small nod before putting an appropriate amount of distance between us.
I hated it.
Hated how cold I suddenly felt. In his arms, I’d felt warm and safe and cherished.
I’d kissed him. I hadn’t meant to, but the urge to taste his skin had been so overwhelming I couldn’t fight it.
“Sorry, that was… fuck.” His lips thinned as he buried his face in his hands.
“It’s okay,” I whispered.
“No, Peyton, it isn’t. There are a hundred reasons why it’s not okay.”
“It was just a hug, Xander.” I mustered the best fake smile I could, despite the fact we both knew he wasn’t talking about the hug. “You don’t need to get all bent out of shape about it.”
He didn’t look convinced, but he hadn’t pushed me away and scolded me though. That had to mean something, didn’t it?
“Let me guess, you’re going to go back to avoiding me now?” I peeked over at him, but he was staring out at the lake.
Xander didn’t answer me, and deep down, I didn’t expect him to. The moment we’d just shared was already a whisper of a memory.
So much so I wondered if maybe I’d dreamed it.
He stood swiftly, a blast of cold air wafting over me. “I should get back inside.”
“I guess I’ll stay out here.”
He finally gave me his eyes again, and what I saw made a shiver run through me.
“You’re strong, Peyton,” he said, thickly. “Don’t ever forget that.”
And then he was gone.
* * *
“Peyton, let’s go,”Lily yelled.
“I’m coming.” I smeared on some lip gloss and blotted my lips. Checking my reflection one last time, I smiled to myself.
So maybe I’d gone a little overboard, but there was nothing wrong with making an effort.
Oh, who the hell was I kidding?
I couldn’t stop thinking about yesterday. The way Xander had held me, opened up to me. The fact he hadn’t pushed me away when I’d kissed him. Not really. He was a little wary, yes, but he hadn’t seemed too pissed about it.
Something had changed between us.
I knew better than to get swept away in fantastical dreams where he might have felt the same tug I felt whenever I was around him. But I didn’t want him to see me as just a schoolgirl with a misplaced crush.
We’d shared something, something real. A single moment where we’d both let down our walls. That had never happened to me before. But Xander knew about pain, he knew about loss, and what it was like to be on the outside looking in.
“Peyton!”
