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Peyton
“What happened to you last night?”Lily asked me as we studied in her bedroom.
“I told you, I hung out with Sean.”
“At the bar.” She gave me a pointed look.
“Yeah… there was a band.”
“Are we going to talk about the fact that you went to a bar with Sean Farrow instead of coming to a party with your best friends?”
I let out a deep sigh. “There’s nothing to say. I didn’t feel like being around loads of people, and Sean—”
“You went to a bar, Peyton. Full of people. So don’t give me that.” She closed her notebook. “Talk to me.”
“I just couldn’t do it. It’s hard to explain.”
“Try… for me, please.”
Sitting up, I closed my legs and tried to figure out where to start. “Honestly, I didn’t plan to go anywhere. But Sean turned up at the diner, and when he asked me to go with him, I said yes.”
“Do you like him?”
“Sean? God no.” That ship had long sailed. Not that there had ever been anything between us. It was a fling, nothing more.
“So why did you go with him?” Confusion clouded Lily’s eyes.
“Do I need a reason?” It came out more defensively than I intended. Lily wasn’t the enemy here. She was my friend. My best friend. But she wouldn’t understand.
“Is it because of Bryan? Because you know, he gets it. He knows you don’t like him like that.”
“It’s not about Bryan, Lil.”
“So what is it?”
“I just…” I inhaled a deep breath. “Sometimes, when I’m with you all, it’s hard.”
Her expression fell. “Peyton.”
“It’s not anything anyone has done or said, it’s just me… I’m not… I’m not the same.”
She reached over and grabbed my hand. “It’s going to take time.”
“Please don’t think it’s you, it’s not. I just… I can’t do the getting excited about college and the future, not yet.”
“God, I wish you’d have told me. I can see how hard it must have been.”
“It’s fine, really. I don’t expect people to put their lives on hold because something bad happened to me. But I also can’t pretend that everything is okay all of the time either.”
Silence fell over us. I didn’t want to make Lily feel bad, but the truth was, it wasn’t about her. It was about me. It was my burden to carry, my pain to endure.
My journey to live.
And I didn’t have all the answers right now as to how she could help me.
“Did you and Sean… you know…?” A faint smile traced her lips.
“No, we didn’t have sex. That’s not what last night was about, Lil.”
