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But still, I said, “It doesn’t matter.” Because I didn’t need her or anyone else fighting my battles.
Besides, it wasn’t even really about them… it was how the small things added up. It was how the halls at school felt too small suddenly. How I’d be sitting there in class and then the image of my mom’s bloody, lifeless body would fill my head.
For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t in control of my emotions. That was the issue.
Lily and her mom watched me quietly, studying me like I was a puzzle they needed to solve.
Inhaling a deep breath, I finally lifted my gaze to Felicity and said, “I think I’m ready to talk to someone… about everything.”
A slow smile tugged at her mouth as relief washed over her. “I think that would be a really good thing, sweetheart.”
* * *
Friday morning at school,I felt… different. There had been a time school had been my savior, a chance to escape my shitty life and be a regular teenage girl. But after everything, I realized I wasn’t a regular teenage girl.
I never had been.
Most girls my age were worrying about college applications and making plans for graduation and the summer beyond that. I was worrying about how I was going to afford to survive.
The Ford’s had been great, but I couldn’t stay with them forever. And come summer, Lily would be going off to college. No, staying with them long-term wasn’t an option. Which meant I needed money.
I needed a plan.
And the more I thought about it, the more I realized sticking around to graduate high school next May was only going to delay the inevitable.
But I needed to know if the alternative was even viable. Which is why I headed straight for Mrs. Bennet’s office.
“Come in,” she called as I rapped my knuckles on the door.
“Hey, I was wondering if we can talk.”
Smiling warmly, she beckoned me inside. “Peyton, how are you?”
“I’m okay.”
“I’m glad you decided to stop by. I’ve been worried about you.”
“Actually, I didn’t come to talk about… what happened.”
“You didn’t?” She sat back in her chair, waiting.
“I… what would it take for me to graduate early?”
“Graduate early? Where is this coming from, Peyton?”
“I have nothing, Mrs. B. No home, no family… no money.”
“Sweetheart, that isn’t true.” The sympathy in her eyes was almost too much to bear. “You have your friends, and Jason and Felicity. You have a home with them.”
“And I’m grateful. I’m so grateful for everything they have done for me. But it’s not a long-term solution.”
“What about college? You can apply for financial aid—”
“With all due respect, Mrs. B, we both know college is out of the question given my current situation.”
“I disagree. If you want something badly enough nothing is out of reach, Peyton.”
My mind flickered to Xander, and I wondered if she would say the same thing if she knew how much I wanted him.
