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I eased into the room after him, peering around me cautiously. The first thing that hit me was the scent, musky and masculine, so familiar from the brief time we’d lived together. It sent a weird pang of homesickness through my chest.
His bedcovers were rumpled—Logan moved to them quickly and jerked them straight with a hint of embarrassment. The extensive computer setup that’d traveled with him from home took up most of the desk across from the bed. The bookcase next to it was the only other furniture in the room, half of it stuffed with texts on programming languages and tech developments, the other with the legal thrillers and horror novels he’d always enjoyed reading.
I found myself drawn to a cluster of photos tacked to the wall next to the desk. After the way Logan had distanced himself from the entire family, the sight of them surprised me.
The central photo was of his dad, mother, and Logan when he was a young child, squinting in the sunlight in a park. Then there was a picture of Logan and Holand at a beach when he was a preteen, around the age he’d been when I first met him. On the other side was one of him and his dad on a family ski trip, a few other teens who were either cousins or friends around them, all bundled up in winter coats but smiling widely.
And then there was the fourth photo, the one that surprised me the most. This one was of our parents’ wedding. Mom and Holand stood with their arms around each other while Logan and I looked at them from either sides, beaming at the love they’d found with each other. I remembered that moment so well. I’d had no idea things would sour between the two of us so much afterward.
I’d had no idea that it’d meant enough to Logan that he’d want to look at it every day.
Logan must have noticed my interest, but he didn’t comment on the photos. He sat down at his desk and wiggled his mouse to bring the desktop computer to life.
I shifted my weight from foot to foot and twisted my hands in front of me, unsure of what to do. There wasn’t another chair, and I didn’t want to awkwardly stand looking over his shoulder, so I stepped back and sat tentatively on the very edge of his newly made bed. I tried very hard not to think about Logan lying in that bed or the way the smell of him intensified once I’d sat down.
What did he have on his computer that he figured would prove his case anyway?
“Where are you going with this?” I asked. “If you think you can just wave away the last couple of weeks—”
“No,” Logan said quickly, glancing back at me. Had his voice gone a little hoarse? “I—the only way I can justify that at all is to tell you… I thought I had to choose between putting your life in danger and having you hate me. And given the choice, I’d rather that you hate me than see something horrible happen to you.”
His words tugged at my heart, but I folded my arms over my chest. “And how did calling me a slut and accusing me of wanting to fuck Slade all over town help anything?”
Logan winced. “Okay, maybe some jealousy crept in there too.” He rubbed his hand over his face. “It’s been killing me seeing you with him when I felt like I couldn’t let myself go there—when I know… Anyway, I definitely said some shitty things. You didn’t deserve that.”
“Slade didn’t either,” I had to point out.
“Let me sort that out with him.” He sucked in a breath and turned back to the computer. “What I can prove to you now is that I have been thinking about you all this time. Wanting you to be okay. Wanting to know you’re happy. And wanting to keep you safe. Ever since I started suspecting your dad was murdered, I’ve been worried they’d target you too. So I hacked into your social media accounts to keep an eye on any private messages you got, just in case anything concerning came up.”
It took a second for that last remark to sink in. I stiffened on the bed. “Wait, youwhat?”
Logan motioned to the computer. “It was only to keep an eye on the situation,” he said adamantly. “I never interfered with your conversations or posts. I just… watched from afar.”
I stared at him, hardly able to believe what I was hearing. I didn’t think the flare of anger that’d shot up inside me was the response he’d wanted to provoke. “What the fuck, Logan! They’re calledprivatemessages for a reason. Who gave you the right to muck around in my life like that?”
He held up his hands, but he didn’t look all that repentant. “You’ve seen the kind of people we run into. The thought of anyone like that weaseling into your life… I realize it was a violation, but Maddie, I was afraid someone wouldkillyou.”
My fingers curled around the edge of his blanket. “You could have just asked me what was going on in my life, like a normal human being. We used to talk. You were the one who made it difficult.”
“I know.” His head drooped for a moment. Then he lifted his gaze to pin me with it. “It killed me doing that too. Maddie, I’ve been falling for you since you showed up at high school ready to take on the world. I mean, I liked you even in junior high, but by your freshman year you were really something. You still are. I would have gone for it except our parents were dating and I wasn’t sure how you felt, and then when they started talking marriage it seemed even more awkward.”
I swallowed thickly, unwilling to tell him that I’d had a crush on him even longer. Could he really mean what he was saying?
“I don’t think our parents would figure it’s that weird,” I said. “It’s not like we were raised as siblings. We lived together for less than two years.”
“Maybe. I was going to wait and see how things went once we were settled in at the house… but then everything else got more complicated.”
“Complicated how? You said you found the stuff that made you think my dad had been murdered when you were packing for college, and you started getting standoffish with me way before then.”
Logan grimaced. “Slade, Dexter, and I started getting into our investigations years before that, and all of a sudden that pastime turned… intense. We were dealing with established criminals, not just petty thefts at school. We all felt like we had to keep at it, like we were doing something good making sure justice was served, but it was dangerous. Anyone we cared about could become a target if someone went looking for revenge.”
I cocked my head. “So you’re saying that part was to protect me too.”
“Basically. And maybe, with all the shit going down, I wasn’t sure I even deserved you. I thought I’d drag you down… or that you’d be horrified if you found out the lengths we were going to…” He let out a ragged sigh. “And then the stuff with your dad came up and made the situation even more precarious.”
I guessed that made a sort of sense. But that didn’t explain everything. “How did hooking up with me in the bathroom fit in with any of that?”
“I didn’t mean to lose control. I was hyped up from the fight I’d gotten into, and you were right there, and I wanted you so badly.” He closed his eyes for a second. “I’m so sorry, Maddie. I swear the only part of that night that I regret is that I had to push you away again afterward. But I’ve never been able to bring myself to totally ignore you.”
