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“Come on, Mandi, you can do this,” I say to myself. My chest is tight, and my heart is racing.
We all head downstairs, and I assume Noah must already be outside with the preacher who is marrying us. Hank waits for me at the bottom of the stairs, and I swear there are tears in his eyes.
“Now’s the time if you want to run.” He signals toward the door with a nod.
I laugh. “No. I’m good.”
Kind of.
Not really.
He gives me his arm. “Then let’s get you married.”
We head over to the patio entrance we’ll be walking out of and stand at the back of the bridal party line. All my sisters smile back at me, and Logan holds little Noah, who has a pillow the grandmas made with fake rings tied to it. I can’t see much through the windows. Whoever took up decorating the area made the balcony overlooking the bay look perfect though.
The bridal music plays, and finally Hank steps forward. “I just want you to know how honored I am that you asked me to walk you down the aisle. All I want is your happiness.” He kisses my cheek and lowers my veil over my face.
I bite back the tears building in my eyes. I don’t know if it’s emotion or panic or both, but I feel about a second away from losing it. We step out and I look down the aisle, needing to see Noah, to remind myself why I’m doing this.
My mouth drops open when I see Noah standing under an arbor that looks the same as a picture I tore out of a magazine when I was younger.
“What is that?” I whisper.
“It’s an arbor for you,” Hank says. “From Noah and me.”
I soak in every little piece of it. The detailed carving, which I know was all Hank. The flowers just like in the picture.
“Noah?” I ask.
“He can tell you himself. First, we need to get you down the aisle.”
Every step down the aisle, I take in Noah, standing so tall and handsome in a suit rather than a tuxedo. His hands are clasped in front of him, and he looks more distinguished than I’ve ever seen him. His smile is so welcoming and warm, and that should bring me happiness, but I only feel sorrow because I know he doesn’t feel the same way that I do about him.
I reach the end of the aisle and Hank lifts my veil, kisses my cheek, and shakes hands with Noah. Noah’s hand lands in mine as he takes me the last few steps under the arbor.
“It’s beautiful,” I say.
“You’re beautiful. You’re stunning.” His gaze soaks me in.
“Thank you.” I feel the blush set in as the preacher asks everyone to sit.
I look up at the arbor again and think about everything it signifies. The preacher is talking about love and loyalty, cherishing the person you love. Noah squeezes my hands and I look up, tears in my eyes.
“Are you okay?” Noah whispers.
I feel as though I can’t get enough air. My chest gets tighter and it’s all I can do to stand in place. I shake my head and look at the preacher. “I need to stop you.”
He abruptly cuts off what he was saying.
I look at Noah. “I’m sorry, I can’t marry you.”
He exhales, and I swear even the seagulls stop squawking to listen in on our conversation.
“I have to choose me.”
His eyes widen.
“You’re a wonderful man, Noah. So much so that I fell in love with you. And as much as I want to marry you, I can’t. Because I deserve a man who loves me too. A wedding where we’re both equally invested in our future—together. I wanted the arbor so badly because I thought it signified the love and bond a couple getting married share, but this one doesn’t. I’m worthy of having a great love in my life. I’m sorry that you can’t be it.”
He says nothing as the first tear falls down my cheek. I look out at the crowd and back at him.
“I’m so sorry I can’t go through with it, but please know, I’m choosing to break my heart now, rather than in a year. I was right there with you until I stepped out and saw the arbor. It reminded me of a little girl who had hopes of finding her one true love. The man who would stand by her side and love her unconditionally. The man who loved her back.”
I rise on my tiptoes and place a quick kiss on his lips, knowing it will be the last time.
Then I slide the engagement ring off my finger and return it to him before I rush back down the aisle, whispering sorry to everyone I pass.
I’ll always look back on my time with Noah with love, but I need to choose myself this time around. The irony is that Noah is the one who taught me that lesson.
