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Part of me wanted to forget the entire affair… to drop her off in London and head straight to St. Giles, a new bottle of gin in my hand. To erase the messy, painful details with liquor and misbehavior.
If I wanted to, I never had to see her again.
But I had already compromised her reputation by traveling alone with her. Her relationship with Lady Radcliffe would likely be ruined beyond repair. Could I live with that?
Knowing that I was the sole cause of her demise, and doing nothing to help her in the aftermath?
I had certainly ruined plenty of reputations. Juliana Pembroke… the list went on and on. And I had never cared before, not even a little. But they hadn’t been the innocent, wide eyed girls the ton believed them to be. They had been willing participants in our deviancy… they hadwanteda taste of danger.
Amelia wasn’t like that. She may not have been a lady of the ton, but she was innocent and earnest. Untouched and unaware of her body… of the realities of sex. And, unlike all those other girls, she wasn’t begging me to show her. All of the women I had been with before had seen me as simply a handsome rogue, nothing more – someone to teach them the ways of passion.
They didn’t care about me.
Amelia, for God knows what reason, did.
And because of that, I wanted to run away from her. To bury her memory without a second thought. To feel nothing for her at all.
But I could not.
And it was driving me mad.
Wearrivedinthemerchant district of London as the sun was just rising over the Thames. Sailors, businessmen, and the like were already filling the streets, their loud banter echoing through the early morning air. Our carriage left us at Amelia’s uncles address on an alley off Gracechurch Street, screeching to a stop on the uneven cobblestone road.
Amelia was still in a deep sleep, her chest rising and falling to the beat of her heart. I almost didn’t want to wake her up. She deserved the rest. But I knew that what was inside the house was of much more importance. And so I gently nudged her awake, my hands strangely nervous and unsure.
“We’re here, Amelia.” I said softly, watching as she emerged from a sleepy dreamworld.
“Will…” She murmured, looking up at me with wide eyes, still droopy with sleep.
Her expression was so childlike, so innocent, and yet full of affection. Something about her unrestrained tenderness stirred a feeling inside of me.
“Oh, my uncle!” She cried, her surroundings finally registering.
Before I could stop her, she had jumped out of the carriage onto the cobblestone below. Just as she ran to the front door, it opened, revealing a young girl of a similar age inside.
“Amelia! You’ve come! I knew the carriage must be you. Thomas sent word from the village…”
They embraced, and the girl let out a small sob, muffled by Amelia’s undone hair.
I stepped from the carriage, adjusting my cravat. I felt completely out of place, and I looked it, too.
The girl in the doorway caught sight of me, and her face filled with confusion. Amelia, tucking stray strands of hair behind her ears, bit her lip, looking between the two of us.
“Yes, uh, Louisa… this is the Viscount of Marsden. Lord Marsden, this is my cousin, Miss Louisa Allen.”
I bowed my head in her direction.
“Good morning, Miss Allen.”
The girl stared at me, her mouth hanging open slightly. Before she had a chance to say anything, Amelia had pushed her into the house.
“How is uncle Nicholas? Please tell me he is well-”
As she was speaking, a young boy came running down the footpath, a bucket of water in his hands. He was struggling to carry it, and the water was splashing out of the sides as he ran.
“Here you are, mister!” He cried, thrusting the bucket into my hands.
I had no choice but to accept it.
