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“It’s not exactly like that between us-” I stammered, unsure of what to say, and quickly realizing that I was lying.
Itwaslike that between Will and I, whether I had meant for it to be or not. After the night in his townhouse, and then kissing passionately by the docks… I couldn’t pretend like we weren’t involved with each other. Like he wasn’t ruining me.
I was willingly letting him.
“Oh, please, Amelia. I’m not here to judge. My own virtue isn’t quite as sacred as it should be. I just want to know how it is!” Louisa exclaimed, her voice barely above a whisper.
I was surprised by her words, but I decided not to pry. I had wished that I had someone to discuss matters like this with, after all. I never had before. My mother was gone too soon, and my only other female companion was Cassandra, who knew even less than I did about the ways of men… though she certainly would have liked to know more.
Oh, poor Cassie would havediedto be a part of this conversation, I thought with some humor.
“Alright, well…” I started, my voice small and nervous. “Somethinghashappened between us. We kissed, and then a little more than that, but I don’t know. That’s it.”
Louisa listened with rapt attention.
“What do you mean, a little more?”
I blushed.
“Well, to be quite honest… I don’tknow, Lou. I’m not really sure how that all works.”
My cousin laughed, and then froze when she realized I was being serious.
“Oh, Amelia, growing up in the country really did stunt you. Look, it’s not that complicated. With men, the idea is simple. You are the lock and he’s the key… he goes inside you, unlocks you, so to speak, and that little act gives you a world of pleasure.Ifhe knows how to do it right.”
I listened, trying to understand her words. A lock and key. Thinking back to the night in his townhouse library, I remembered how I had wanted Will closer…
“Judging by his looks and the rumors,” Louisa suddenly grinned, “I think your Viscount has an idea or two about how to please a lady.”
I felt my face blush scarlet again. I had reached my threshold for this conversation, I decided, and Louisa saw it in my expression.
“Alright, I’ll stop making you uncomfortable.”
“Not at all.” I said kindly, squeezing her hand. “I need friends like you, Lou.”
She smiled.
“Just promise me one thing, okay?”
I nodded.
“You won’t get too attached to him? I don’t want him to break your heart, dear cousin.”
I froze, feeling my heart constrict.
Would Will really break my heart?
The answer was obviously yes, and I knew it without even thinking about it. But all I could do was try to smile in return.
“I’ll try, Lou.”
She gave my hand a squeeze.
“Well, I’m going to go check on Richard… make sure he hasn’t set the Lord’s carriage on fire, or something equally as idiotic.”
I gave her a wave, and she left me on the bed, my head reeling from not one revelation, but two.
First, Richard was in love with me. Orwasin love with me. I’m sure he wouldn’t have me anymore, not after Will.
