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Marry her.
And how had I responded?
“Perhaps.”
I had really said perhaps, hadn’t I? I had considered, for a single moment, marrying Amelia. Marrying this mousy girl in front of me, a common girl, a girl of no great beauty or wealth.
But she wasmyAmelia. My best friend. I had dreamt of her, hadn’t I? My whole life, I had dreamt of her laughter and loving smile as we ran through the halls of Rosehill, my forever sidekick and companion…
But marriage?
It was absurd. Preposterous.
It was impossible.
Long gone were the days of our childhood adventures. Amelia had grown up into a charming young lady, a girl of virtue and kindness. Her heart was pure and good – somehow, she had never been tainted by the world.
I, on the other hand, had long ago given up any virtue. I had given myself to a life of debauchery and ruin. I knew it and so did everyone else. I would never deserve someone like Amelia.
To marry her would be to ruin her.
And that was the one monstrous act that I could not let myself commit.
I broke our eye contact, reaching into my pocket for my flask. My desire for scotch was suddenly overpowering; all I could think of was the feeling of it burning my throat.
“It’s hardly 8 in the morning, Will. Are you really drinking?” Amelia asked, her voice betraying a slight nervousness.
I grinned, glad that the vulnerability of the previous moment had passed.
“Amelia, darling, doctors everywhere agree that the only reliable cure for a hangover is to simply drink more. You wouldn’t disagree with science, would you?”
She opened her mouth in shock, but said nothing.
I laughed, feeling the familiar burn as I swallowed a heavy pour.
“In some cultures, liquor is medicinal, you know.”
She sighed, rolling her eyes.
“Well, you are indeed heavily medicated. But I can’t imagine what for. You’re in good health, are you not? Why keep drinking?”
“The best, all thanks to the drink.” I said, giving her a slight toast with another pour, and avoiding her final question. A single shot had barely quenched my thirst.
“You’re horrible, Will. You were never such a ruinous character when we were children.”
“Oh, wasn’t I? I remember terrorizing you quite a bit.”
Amelia laughed.
“That’s true. You were always chasing me around Rosehill. I remember that crystal clear.”
“I was a hide and seek master, if I recall.”
She rolled her eyes.
“You weren’t bad. But I was quite good at hiding, too. And besides,thenyou were sober. It was quite different.”
I raised my eyebrows, feeling playful.
