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I’d thought I’d gotten him.
But, alas, Will knew metoowell. So much so that it was constantly catching me off guard.
Most people seemed to take me at face value. They saw my appearance – small, quiet, and of little consequence – and never guessed that there was anything more beneath the surface. But not Will. For whatever reason, he seemed to sense who I really was: small and quiet, to be sure, but beneath all that, full of fire. And he was maddeningly good at stoking it.
He'd found me in mere minutes, enveloped in the dark velvet of the curtains of his dressing room. And what had happened after… well, even hours later, I could still hardly conceive of it.
Just the thought made goosebumps rise up beneath my skirts.
When his lips had crashed into mine with such passion, I had felt something unlock inside me that I didn’t even know was there. It was a deep yearning – a desire so strong, it terrified me. It sent my heart beating out of my chest with fear… and exhilaration.
I couldn’t get enough.
My mind kept replaying the feeling of his touch. His bare hands, large and warm, rising up the softness of my exposed thighs. The jolt I felt as I registered his ever so slightly calloused palms against my bare skin. And I couldn’t even begin to explain the ache in my breasts and the warm tingle I had felt far below.
I intuitively recognized that I would never be able to explain these feelings with words. They were beyond the capabilities of mere language. They were the most natural feelings I had ever had: the feelings a woman has for a man she desires. A man who desiresherback.
How many times had I dreamt of that moment?
Before today, I had barely registered my desires for what they were. I couldn’t recognize them. But now, it was as if a Pandora’s Box was unlocked.
I wanted Will.
And I knew that I could never go back.
But…
I was also terrified.
This was William Thorne I was dreaming of – the greatest rake in all of London, perhaps the entirety of England. He was a drunken partier, an unabashed rogue, and his conduct had never been one to inspire.
And he was no virgin himself, that I was sure of.
Indeed, it was downright foolish for me to be dreaming of Will. To be playing hide-and-seek with him… to be kissing him behind dark velvet curtains in an empty townhouse… and to be dreaming of what had almost come after. The thought of whatmighthave happened, had I not expressed my naivety and he abruptly left, was precisely the worst kind of thing for me to be thinking about.
But, alas. I couldn’t help the day dreaming.
Will had taken up residence in my brain, whether I liked it or not.
After Will had left me in his dressing room, breathless and disheveled behind the curtains, I had made my way back to my room in a dream state. Nothing had felt real, and my heart wouldn’t – couldn’t – stop beating a thousand times a minute. I’d paced the room for a while, trying to pull myself together. Eventually, I’d fallen into bed, a state of strange calmness replacing the exhilaration and anxiety.
I’d remained in that state for a few hours afterwards. But by lunchtime, my anxiety had returned. I found myself agonizing over Will’s premature departure. His exact words…
You should wait to fall in love, Amelia.
What had compelled him to say that? His tone of voice had been raw and bitter, as if he was ashamed of himself somehow.
I’m told it’s better that way.
Had he really never fallen in love?
The thoughts twisted around my head tortuously. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about Will… and I couldn’t shy away from the creeping realization that he was right. The feelings I felt for Will should be reserved forlove.
Was I in love with Will?
I couldn’t come up with an answer. It was like standing on the edge of a precipice…
To say yes would have been to throw myself off.
