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Oh. I almost say the words. In fact, I cough, choking them back so that I don’t.
I won’t say them first. I absolutely refuse. For all of Ryker’s posturing about how we’re partners, about how we’re fated, about how we’re mates even if we’re not officially bonded yet, he’s never told me he loves me. And, until he does, I can’t say yes to him even if I really, really want to.
I almost did during the last full moon. For three weeks, Ryker courted me, spending as much time in Muncie as he dared to now that Accalia is missing its Beta. We went on dates, walked the length of the city together, went on runs in our fur that always seemed to end up with us fucking in its only park. I swallowed my pride and let him cook for me. Then, when I realized that Ryker was amazing in so many ways but he was a shit cook, I made dinner for him.
By the time the full moon came around, I was ready to say yes. But for all the talks we had, all the deep conversations we shared, hopes for the future, reminiscing about the past… our feelings for each other never came up. And maybe he’s just assuming that I know that he loves me. Ryker’s not the kind of guy who uses words when actions speak so much louder.
But sue me. I need the freaking words.
So, last month, Ryker allowed his trusted pack council—all vetted by him after Shane’s shocking betrayal—to lock him in his basement. He point-blank ordered them to keep me away from him, even going so far as to send a pair of wolves into Muncie to guard me while he couldn’t.
I have no idea what he promised the Cadre to allow Dorian and Jace to pace outside of my apartment building in their fur, but they spent the whole full moon watching me while I spent it with the old standby: my vibrator and a half-gallon of Breyer’s.
Right now, the Luna is in her first quarter phase, halfway between the new moon and the full moon. I have plenty of time until I have to worry about what’s going to happen when she’s out again at the end of August, but these last few days when he was gone made me realize just how much I really did miss him.
The whole last year, I couldn’t let myself. This past week, I did. I missed him, but I’m nothing if not stubborn so I swallow back the “I love you” until he’s ready to tell me first.
I don’t know why I bother. I’m pretty sure that I blew up my spot that first time together with him. So mindless with lust and the overwhelming sense of pleasure as we mated under the growing moon, I told him that I loved him more times than I should’ve, but he never said the same then or since.
I try not to dwell on that. Even if it takes him longer to say them, that’s okay. We’ve only been… dating, I guess?... dating for two months. Being fated mates makes everything different since it’s just assumed that, sooner or later, we’ll love each other. Maybe I’m just impatient. Could be. I really don’t know.
One thing I do know, though? Being with Ryker is worth the wait.
“I’m good with that,” I tell him honestly. “Being partners. We’re a good pair.” Slipping my hand out of his hold, I tap his chest. “Just don’t go away for so long again, okay? I don’t like missing you.”
His smile is breathtaking. Even with the dark stubble covering his sharp jaw and his sculpted features, his smile is one of the sexiest things about him. Probably because it isn’t often that the protective alpha is relaxed enough to show it off.
But he can be with me.
“I came back a day early,” he points out.
That’s true. I wasn’t expecting him until tomorrow night which was why it was such a surprise to sense him stalking behind me.
“But you were still gone for five days. Do you know how much trouble I could’ve gotten into in five whole days? Who knows? I might’ve even forgotten that you existed.”
Ryker knows I’m teasing. The only way I can get away with ribbing him is because he can tell that I’m not being honest. Even if me and Ryker don’t work out, I know that they’ll never be another male for me. Ever. Cheating? Shifters are wired to be loyal, which is just another reason why my sperm donor is unlike any wolf I’ve ever met. He slept with anything female in his pack; it’s the only way my mom avoided being bonded to him because, once he chose her and they performed the Luna Ceremony, they’d be mated for life. A fate worse than death for a sleazy sex addict like Wicked Wolf Walker.
Like me, Ryker was a virgin when we mated the first time. Because, like me, he’s known for more than eleven years that I was his fated mate and he was loyal to the idea of us even before the Luna announced that wewerefated. And, like me, he’ll wait until it’s the right time for us to make it final.
Until then, we’ll have a lot of fun getting closer and practicing the physical act whenever we get the chance.
Between his responsibilities as pack Alpha and my job down at Charlie’s, we don’t often get to be alone together this long and, if only for a moment, I’m going to savor it.
I can also feel that he’s hard again. His wayward cock is nudging at my hip, though Ryker seems just as content to simply hold me.
No surprise that’s he’s already recovered; I’ve learned that a shifter’s libido is only matched by our stamina. Even though he’s already come twice tonight, he’s probably ready for another round.
Know what? So am I.
I’m just about to rise up and straddle him when, suddenly, Ryker grips me by the chin. “What if I tell you that I brought something back with me?” he rasps out, his throaty voice gone husky. “Will you forgive me for leaving if I give you your gift?”
“A present?” My eyes light up. “For me?”
I grew up an only child. As an alpha, I was a handful, and though my mom and dad always talked about having other pups, it just never happened for them.
My Aunt Corinne, my dad’s sister, has twin boys: Devin and Max. They’re both deltas and the closest thing to siblings that I have. A year older than me, they grew up believing I was an omega like my mom and their mom. They were as overprotective as my dad, coddling me since I was the only girl in the family. It didn’t matter that I was Paul’s adopted daughter. Iwasfamily. And, okay, I was pretty damn spoiled, too.
So a gift? That’s a huge part of my love language. I can wait for Ryker to say the words, but just knowing that he thought of me and brought me back a gift? That gets me right in the chest.
