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“Then why do it?” Elizabeth raised both her hands in the air in desperation with my bullshit. “Why do you want to break it off and to move to the other side of the world?”
“It’s not because of him. It’s me. I’m not…like you. You love each other, you support each other. I’m nothing like that. Lucas deserves someone better.”
“Love helps to round the edges,” she said with a plea in her voice.
“No. I need to get away from my mother, Elizabeth. I’m sorry. I can’t breathe around her. I can’t. She suffocates me. She makes me feel like I have no soul. My feelings towards her subsided while she was away, but now that she’s coming back…It consumes me all over again. I’m so close to getting away. Please, don’t tell my father.”
“Oh, Clem…”
“Please. I will tell them. Just not now. Please, keep my secret a little longer?”
“I can’t hide it from my son. You’re about the break his heart. Again.” There was no judgment in her voice. Just sadness.
“I will tell him next week. When I move back home. I promise.”
I missed school that day, and Lucas became suspicious of me and his mother. He had every right, of course. But I wasn’t ready to drop the bomb yet. I needed to have space between us, and the two inches that separated us lately didn’t do the trick for me.
“I was just tired, and I asked your mother to stay home. That’s it.”
I was repeating that for three days now. I hated that I was lying to himagain, but compared to everything I kept from him, this lie wasn’t even in the top five.
I also tried to keep our relationship mostly physical and avoided serious conversations at all cost.
“You’re lying,” he roared while he was entering me. I was lying on the bed in my room. He was on top of me. Everyone was home. We were being reckless.
I couldn’t care less. I needed to feel as much of him as possible while I still had the chance. I shook my head.
“I’m not lying.”
“Why the distance then?” he asked and a miserable chuckle escaped my lips between my moans.
“What distance? You are literally inside my body.”
“What’s eating you then?” he frowned.
“Hopefully you are.”
He pulled out of me and flipped me on my stomach. He entered me again in one stroke.
“Oh, God,” I hissed.
“I’m listening.”
Again with his favorite joke.
“Don’t stop,” I moaned into the pillow.
He pounded into me until we both came. Then we just lay in bed not touching each other, watching the ceiling.
“That’s the ugliest chandelier I have ever seen,” I said repeating my thoughts from the first night I spent in this room. “I can’t believe your mom bought that.”
“She didn’t,” Lucas said with a distant voice. “It’s a gift from my dad’s sister. She hates it, but she can’t say no to people if you haven’t noticed.”
“I have,” I said thinking about my last request to her. I could see it on her face. It was torturing her. The thought that I was doing something that would hurt her son and that she was a part of the lie. But she agreed anyway.
“Stay here,” he said. His eyes were digging holes on the side of my face. I played stupid and refrained from looking back at him.
“What do you mean?”
