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“Stay here until graduation. Your house is not ready. You have a bathroom and a bed. That’s it. It looks like a mental institution.”
I squeezed my fists and my fingernails hurt my palms. But I remained silent. I didn’t move.
“I feel like you’re running away from me, and I have no idea why.”
“I’m tired,” I looked at him with a smile. “Maybe you should sleep in your room tonight.”
The pain on Lucas’s face made my soul ache. He tore his eyes away from mine, shook his head, and stood up. He left my room without a word.
I couldn’t sleep. Everything I did and everything I was about to do haunted me. It was too much to hold in. But I couldn’t burden Elizabeth with my self-loathing. She had already done enough for me and crying on her shoulder about breaking her son’s heart was a bit too much to ask.
I took my phone from my nightstand to text Hannah.
Clem: I did something horrible.
Her answers started coming a few seconds later.
Hannah: Please don’t tell me you slept with Dylan…
Hannah: I’m rooting for Lucas now.
Hannah: He was amazing at the party last week. Dylan not so much.
I wondered where to start. I had to just pour it out of me. Everything. So I did. I told her why Elizabeth wanted me here in the first place and what happened with Lucas since I moved in in his house. I told her about the shoe box. About Duncan’s proposal. About me accepting it. About Elizabeth knowing about it and hiding it from Lucas. I dumped it all at once not giving her time to answer to any of it. Then I just stared at the dozens of texts and wrote the last one.
Clem: Are you mad?
Hannah: No... I’m just processing. Give me a minute.
I gave her a few. When my phone finally buzzed, the texts I got broke my heart.
Lucas: I get you have things to work out.
Lucas: I don’t want to, but I’ll give you space if that’s what you need.
Lucas: Whenever you are ready.
He wanted to wait for me.
I didn’t answer.
The next days were excruciating. I just stared at the wall that was in front of me. Hannah was supportive, but when she tried to convince me for a second time not to go to England, I just asked her to drop the subject. She did, but it was obvious she thought I was making a mistake.
Lucas was quiet but always present. I could see the torture in his eyes. On my last night in his house, we were all eating dinner together and the mood was so depressing that even Troy didn’t speak. Lucas’s fork rattled in his plate and we all lifted our gazes.
“I can’t do this,” he stood up, came behind me, and kissed my hair.
My eyes watered the moment his lips touched me, but when Troy came and hugged me seconds after Lucas turned his back on me and went upstairs, I broke into tears.
I spent the night sobbing.
The next day Elizabeth, Garret, and Troy helped me move my stuff at my house. Elizabeth was looking around and her eyes spotted the narcissus sticker on my ceiling.
“Did you ask for that?” her finger was pointing at it. “It’s not really your style.”
“Yeah,” I smiled grimly. “It’s a joke. Lucas did it. I once called him Narcissus. You know. The myth.”
Elizabeth’s brows shot up.
