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“I know that Cheyenne was taken away when you were too little to remember, but did you like having brothers? I always wanted siblings.”
I could hear the emptiness, the sadness in her voice. It made me want to fill that void, to erase any loneliness she’d ever felt.
“It was good. My dad was useless. He was there but not there, if that makes sense. All he cared about was getting enough alcohol in his body to forget the pain that he was in.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up—”
“No, it’s fine. I don’t think it really affected me like it did Hank and Billy. I never knew anything else. Just like with Mama. I don’t really have any true memories of her. Most of what I think I remember is really just other people’s memories that I’ve heard so many times it tricked my brain into thinking they were mine.”
She sat beside me quietly.
“What about you? What was your childhood like?”
“Lonely,” she said without hesitation.
“I’m sorry.”
Out of my peripheral vision, I could see her head shaking. “No. Don’t be. I hate even saying that because I feel like I don’t have the right to.”
“What do you mean, you don’t have the right to?”
“I mean, I grew up privileged. Very privileged. Who wants to hear some little rich girl whining about being lonely?”
“I do. And you weren’t whining. I asked you a question and you answered it honestly.” I glanced over again and from her sour expression, it was obvious she wasn’t truly convinced of what I was saying. So I figured I’d have to take a different route to convince her. “I’ve been thinking about money a lot lately. Ya know, because of the inheritance. A lot more than I ever have before. And I just don’t see it comin’ in and changin’ my life much. I like my life. I’m happy. Money solves a lot of problems, but it can’t make someone happy.”
She nodded and I knew my second attempt was a crash and burn as well. The girl beside me was obviously very hard on herself and it was gonna take a lot more than one anecdote to crack that hard shell. My only hope was tryin’ to get to know everything about her so I could see where there might be a sliver of a crack, one that could give me some insight into the inner workings of the angel seated beside me.
“So, you lived with your mom until you were seven?”
“Yeah, in Savannah. My dad left when I was four, and it was just the two of us. Well, actually, the three of us. Mrs. B was there.”
“But she didn’t go with you to your father’s?”
“No. I had new nannies.”
“Plural?”
“Yeah. I don’t know if I was the one who was difficult or if it was my father, but none of my nannies lasted longer than a few months. Sometimes they were only there a few days. I never knew how long one would be there or why they would leave. They would never say goodbye. I’d just wake up or come home from school and a new person would be there.”
“That must’ve been really hard.”
I could see that emotion was building up behind her eyes. “I’m not going to sit here and complain because my nannies never lasted. There are kids in much worse situations.”
“Yeah, and there are also kids that come from homes with two parents that love them. And they never have to be afraid or lonely. They have brothers and sisters to keep them company and grow up with as best friends. They have a mom that takes them to ballet and…” I couldn’t think of what else a mom would do. “And teaches them about makeup. And a dad that shows them how to ride bikes and fish.”
My eyes cut to her to see if she was getting my point. The look on her face broke my heart. It was as if no one in her life had given her permission to feel the things she felt.
“I’m just sayin’. If you’re gonna make comparisons—it goes both ways.”
We were silent for the rest of the drive. I had no idea what she had going through her mind, but I could sense that she needed time to think.
As I pulled onto my buddy’s property and parked, Bella looked around the open dirt space.
“What is this place?”
“You’ll see. Come on.”
We got out and I guided her through a wooded area. When we came through the trees into the clearing, there was a race car parked in front of us.
