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“This is all just a fantasy. I didn’t really think it would happen that way,” she said quickly.
“It’s okay, I’m not going to mock you or think it’s ridiculous. Just tell me.” I wanted desperately to know what her vision of the future might have been if I hadn’t screwed it up by being so oblivious.
“Well, after you made a grand declaration of love, we would have tried to date like regular people, but it wouldn’t have worked because we knew we were right for each other. I was going to surprise you with a proposal, but you would have also been trying to surprise me, and so we would have accidentally planned to propose on the same day. Of course, all our friends would have known and would have ensured that it went that way. There would be video and lots of pictures and tears involved. We both would have said yes, and then set a wedding date for not long after, because we couldn’t wait. You would have moved in with me in the meantime and we’d be so happy that all our friends would be completely and totally disgusted and sickened by us. And then we’d get married, maybe on a beach, or in park, or on a mountain. I’d pictured it a dozen different ways.” We stopped walking as we reached an empty bench and we both sat down. People buzzed and talked and walked and ran and carried on around us, but I was completely and totally focused on Emma and the future she was painting.
“The wedding wasn’t the important part. It was that you were the one I was marrying. Everything else about it was just unimportant.” We locked eyes and I leaned forward and kissed her. This was the first time I’d done that outside our respective bedrooms. It was different. Not that anyone was going to look twice at us, but I felt like people knew. That they could see our history written on both of us.
Emma hesitated for only a moment before she kissed me back. She took the hand that wasn’t holding mine and pulled my face closer. Things started getting hot and heavy and I didn’t think we should start ripping each other’s clothes off in public, so I pulled back and opened my eyes.
“What was that for?” she asked. I wanted to look around and see if anyone was paying attention to us, but I didn’t look away from Emma’s eyes.
“Just because,” I said. “Tell me more about how you saw our future.” I loved hearing about it.
“After the wedding we would have gone someplace with really good food where we could just eat and stay somewhere beautiful and have a lot of sex and maybe take some walks when we decided we needed to put clothes on. And there would be fireworks. I wanted there to be fireworks. After that? Being happy. Forever.” She shook her head at herself.
“It sounds like something a little girl who wanted to be a princess would think up. Not a grown adult.”
“No,” I said, squeezing her hand. “It sounds wonderful. It sounds perfect.”
Her voice quavered a little.
“Does it?” I nodded and had to choke down nameless emotions. Emma sighed.
“So, there you go. That’s how I saw it. How did you see your life going?” I wasn’t sure, honestly. When I was younger, I thought I would have a husband and then babies and do all of that, but then I realized I was a raging lesbian and that idea went out the window. So then I thought I might have a wife, and maybe not, and I might have kids, and maybe not. I didn’t know where I wanted to live. I was never sure about anything. It was all too far in the future, too big, too adult. Too many enormous life decisions to be made that I wasn’t ready for, even in the abstract.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’ve changed my mind so many times that nothing ever stuck. I knew you’d be there, though. You’d always be there, no matter what.”
She leaned over and kissed me.
“That’s all I need to hear,” she said. “Having you in my life is the most important thing.” I agreed on that at least.
––––––––
WE WALKED AROUND THEpark and I made her go on the merry-go-round and then we walked down the street, stopping in any shops we fancied and talking and just enjoying being with one another. We kept holding hands the whole time and that was something to adjust to, but it was exciting. I liked having her fingers linked with mine for long periods of time.
“We should get home to the puppy,” I said. He was probably really missing us and needed to go outside. If this hadn’t been so last-minute, we might have been able to call Reece to watch him. She was coming over this weekend since the Bachelorette Babes had brunch on Saturday. I was really looking forward to it in some ways, but in others I was not ready to see my friends because they would immediately know what had happened with Emma. That wasn’t even touching the fact that they had known she was in love with me and no one had hinted or said anything. I mean, I guess that was good since it protected Emma, but they might have dropped a few hints, at least. Something to help me get my head out of my ass sooner.
Emma and I went home and she decided it was time for lunch. I was definitely going to be taking a nap later as well.
“Is a kale salad with chicken, strawberries, and walnuts okay? I can make up some quick dressing for it too. And I’m in the mood to bake. You want dessert?”
I looked up from patting Vegas’s belly.
“What kind of a question are you asking me, I can’t understand you. Are you even speaking English right now?” I said, and she rolled her eyes.
“Okay, I get it. Also, it’s a lot harder to surprise you with desserts now that we live together. So I’m declaring the kitchen a Callyn-free zone. You can’t come in or watch what I’m doing.” I walked toward the kitchen and she put her hands out.
“Stop,” she said.
“In the name of love?” It was something I’d seen on a t-shirt once. “You can’t stop me, Emma. I’m a force of nature.” I made a swooshing sound like wind.
“Come on, stop. I want to play our game again.” I stopped. This was clearly important to her.
“Okay, fine.” I turned around. “But I’m probably going to smell what it is. My nose is very powerful.” I heard her scoff.
“I don’t think you’ll guess this.” That sounded like a challenge.
“I’ll just be over here with my book.” I wanted to read a book that wouldn’t distract me too much from what Emma was doing, so I picked up the one about money. I’d probably have to read it multiple times to get the information to sink in, but that was okay. I could always renew it.
