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No, the Fae would never support them now which meant her Triad and friends and their families were all in more danger than ever because they had been counting on the Fae’s help not only to fight the Council but also their knowledge to figure out how to stop the Council from building their ultimate weapon. The last ingredient lay in the Fae lands at least according to the journal Claire had found. The Fae would also probably kick them out as soon as the Elders announced she failed tomorrow morning. They should pack their stuff up tonight, Claire thought morosely.
Distracted by her racing thoughts, Claire didn’t notice that they had made it through the village and back to her cousins’ house. They had barely made it through the doorway before Bethany turned abruptly to Claire. “What in the Realm was that?”
Claire ignored the flash of hurt that Bethany’s words caused. She deserved that. But she was confused. Hadn’t they seen her lose control? “What was what?”
Bethany folded her arms over her chest. “I know I’ve not seen you train very much, but I’ve never seen you lose control like that. Or react that strongly?”
Holly spoke up but not to tell Bethany to be quiet. “Was it because we were threatened?”
Claire shrugged, anxious to change the subject off her out of control magic. “I don’t know. I’m sorry I lost control like that and ruined our chances with the Fae.”
“Like we care about that.” Holly got pushy, something Claire didn’t expect from her friend. “Look, I don’t need to be a fancy Truth Seeker Fae to know that you’ve been off since we saw you last. What happened?”
“And you don’t need to worry about us,” Cody said gently. “We are a perfectly capable group who knew what we were getting into when we started all of this.”
“Do you not trust us?” Holly’s whispered question tore at Claire’s heart. Her friend sounded so sad and hurt.
“No,” Claire tried to assure her.
“Then what is it?” Holly pressed. “What are you not telling us?”
Claire was so tired. Tired from the Traditio, tired from carrying this fear and worry and responsibility around. And she hit her breaking point with Holly’s soft question. “What if it’s not enough!” Claire cried out, but her voice broke and her cry came out more like a whisper.
“What if what’s not enough?” Everett asked softly from behind her, stepping behind her and running his hands up her arm. Claire stepped away from him, she didn’t deserve his comfort. Not when her loss of control could cost her one of her friends.
“What if I’m not enough to keep you all safe,” Claire’s words were barely a whisper but everyone in the room reacted like she had just blasted them with magic.
“Claire, why would you ever think that?” Holly asked as her Triad shared looks.
Claire laughed a humorless laugh. “I couldn’t keep it together in an evaluation exercise. What if I lose control against the Council and lose one of you in the process? What if even how much my magic seems to be growing it’s not enough to keep you all safe. I can’t lose any of you.”
“That’s the change,” Zack said, ignoring what she just said and looking at Desmond.
Claire gave him a confused look and Holly used her distraction to step up closer to Claire and take her hand, not letting Claire retreat when she would have stepped back. Claire felt too raw in that moment, like her skin had been flayed open and they were seeing inside the deepest part of her where her biggest fear lay.
Her Triad had stayed silent up to this point but Claire could feel the comfort they were pouring down their bonds and Claire wanted to block it. She didn’t deserve that, not now after making their lives infinitely more complicated.
“That’s why you lost control,” Zack said. “Our magic is tied strongly to our emotions. You never used to use your magic like that but something changed.”
Desmond and Malcolm looked at each other. “The mountain.”
Claire winced as they hit the nail on the head. Ever since the mountain incident she had been hyper aware of how fast her magic had been growing out of her control.
“That’s when you got hurt,” Malcolm said, looking at Everett. “In our training exercise. After the Council came with their veiled threats.”
“I don’t understand,” Bethany said. “What was the mountain incident?”
“We were training,” Malcolm summarized, “And Everett got hurt. Claire’s magic spiraled out of her in reaction and the whole mountain shook.”
Claire bit her lip as her cheeks burned at the reminder of her first loss of control. She had almost brought a mountain down on her Triad and the other dragon warriors.
“That would do it,” Zack said more to himself and Claire was grateful when Bethany smacked his arm.
“Do what? Stop being vague.”
“Magic is tied to strong emotions,” Zack explained to her gently. He turned to Claire. “If that fear of losing one of us is driving you, you are never going to have control of your magic.”
“Especially as part Fae,” Kallan’s voice from behind her had her spinning around. Her cousins were back.
