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“It’s needed, for there are many pieces to put together ahead of a balloon flight of her proposed length.” He put his spectacles back into place. “Thus, you have a partial reason for my confliction.” How to explain to his mother when he couldn’t fully fathom it himself? “She’s daring and fearless, and what she does positively screams risk.”
“Yet?”
“Yet the more time I spend in her company, the greater my captivation. She fills me with excitement, makes me believe that I might, too, be as daring as she one day. Where I couldn’t while in the military.” He took a swig of brandy and reveled in the sting of the liquor in his throat… to drown out the memories of that time or to encourage a picture of her, he couldn’t say. “It’s impossible to explain, this connection between us, this fascination I have when she wears folly and danger about her like a mantle. When I’m with her, every thought flies out of my head except to remain by her side like an adoring pup. I’m powerless to resist.”
How much of that was truth and how much theory? In the end, did it matter? The results were the same.
“Oh, I have your answer, but you won’t like it.” Humor threaded through her voice.
He snorted. “I probably won’t appreciate any answer pertaining to Anne.”
“No, probably not, and there are no explanations when one is hit with the human equivalent to a lightning bolt.” She chuckled. “I told you about soul mates, and how your father was mine.”
“Yes, but you don’t think she and I—”
“I do, dear. I do indeed.” She patted his arm. “There is every possibility you and Lady Anne are soul mates. And what’s more, I believe you’ve more or less accepted that fact; now whether your head is in agreement with your heart is another matter entirely. But the lady is stubborn. No doubt she doesn’t put much stock into that theory, and neither does she want a romance.”
“Exactly, yet I can’t evict her from my mind. She’s like an addiction, a drug, something I can’t stop craving.”
“But aren’t those the best sort of women? It means you’ll never stray, and if you keep her happy, neither will she, for soul mates make each other feel the same way.”
“I’m not certain—”
“Oh, but I am, and it’s thrilling. Perhaps passed to you from your father and me.” She squeezed his arm, but he snorted in derision. “Don’t overthink the attraction, Benedict. It’s there for a reason. Enjoy it, especially if she feels it too. You’ve kept to yourself for too long, and you do have a responsibility to your title, your line.”
In his mind’s eye, he saw Anne standing at a window, the diaphanous gown she wore blowing in the breeze from a window with one hand supporting a belly swollen with pregnancy. When his shaft tightened, he shifted in his chair. Would she even want children? It was something they hadn’t discussed. “Perhaps.” He took another healthy sip of his brandy. “Was Papa ever afraid? Of life, of the decisions he needed to make, of demands the title?”
“Oh, often. Sometimes it kept him up at night, but he never wanted me to see.”
“Why?”
“He didn’t want me to worry about him.” She uttered a soft laugh. “Your father was a proud man, and he felt things deeply. He tried to keep our relationship—our love—separate from the burdens of his life so they wouldn’t sully the romance.”
“I can appreciate that sentiment, but you worried anyway, I suspect. And I also think you helped him through his concerns even if he didn’t realize it.”
“Of course I did.” She flashed a wide grin. “He was my other half. The pieces missing from my soul. If he was upset then so was I. Beyond everything, I wanted to see him happy, at peace, and I wished to help and support him in every endeavor.”
“Did he accommodate you or let on he knew what you were about?”
She laughed again. “Not always, but there were times when he’d reference it. And then he’d kiss me and tell me how much he was glad I was in his life. After, he’d change the subject and focused on what I wanted that he’d hadn’t given me yet.”
“He was a noble man.” That sort of relationship was what he wanted for his own life, yet how to grasp that when there were too many variables unknown and too many risks attached? “Your love was for the ages.”
“I like to think so, and your relationship with Lady Anne has the potential to be the same… if you’ll let it.”
Benedict grunted. He took another sip of the brandy. “It’s a risk I haven’t yet assessed.”
“As if one can assign something like that merely to the affairs of the heart. They’re mysterious for a reason.” For long moments she remained quiet. “I love your father still even though he’s been gone a few years. How could I not? To me, he was everything Lady Anne is to you.” She sighed. “I fell for him after three days.”
“What about Papa? When did he fall?”
“Oh, much later, but he eventually came around and understood the idea of soul mates.” She caught Benedict’s eye. “It made everything that much easier and more comforting.”
What would Anne say about that? Would she reject it out of hand as poppycock? “You never wondered if it was right or if it was propelled by emotions or even lust?” All of this boggled the mind, and to think he was following in his parents’ footsteps was decidedly odd yet weirdly comforting.
It meant he wasn’t going insane.
“Of course it was! I will never deny the heat between your father and I, but that gave a foundation to the love that endured through the years.” Her laughter rang through the heavy silence. “Sometimes you need to take things on faith and go from there.” She patted his cheek. “Even when I wasn’t sure, when I questioned my sanity, it was your father who eased my fears.”
