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“That’s what Anne does for me.” Even now, as he discussed the topic with his mother, he couldn’t help but think Anne might clear his mind better. “Which is odd when she also keeps me in perpetual confusion.”
“Then take that as a sign. Love will often send a person tip over tail and then yank the ground from beneath their feet. Enjoy it.”
“That’s like telling me to enjoy a tiger just before it flings me off a high precipice.” He snorted at the mental image he’d conjured. “I can’t deny that when I set aside my misgivings and fears, it’s rather incredible.” Imagine that. “Did you argue with Papa?” No relationship was perfect or without ripples as on a pond.
“Always.” Her grin bordered on wicked. “Then we made up, and it was glorious, unfettered, and quite scandalous.”
Oh, dear God! He did not want to hear about his mother’s love life. “What should I do about Anne?” That was the crux of his issue. The rest he could come to peace with.
“Marry her,” she said promptly.
Benedict rolled his eyes. “I doubt she’s willing. I asked her and she turned me down flat. Said she wasn’t the marrying type of woman. Said she’d disappoint me or I her when I put the responsibilities to the title ahead of her.”
“Though I’m curious about how that conversation came about, I won’t ask.” He could almost see her eyebrow lift, but it was too dark to confirm. “Then, barring that, bed her. Physical intimacy usually does the trick, especially if you’re skilled and she enjoys it.”
Heat crept up the back of his neck. Once more he fussed with his shirt to encourage air circulation as sweat slid down his spine. “I…” He couldn’t admit to his skill nor to how eager Anne’s reception was.
“Oh, I see.” His mother snickered. “You already bedded her. And?”
“It’s like you and Papa. There is simply no explanation for our connection. We fit in many ways and are opposites enough that we nestle together. I’m fairly confident she’s for me, but…”
“Lady Anne is stubborn and independent with dreams in her head.”
“Yes. I don’t wish to dissuade her or ask she give them up, for she will change the world someday. I refuse to keep her light hidden merely for societal expectations.” Was that what he truly thought? Another sip of brandy drove that home. Yes, he did. He wouldn’t ask her to stop being her merely so he could take care of his responsibilities.
“While that’s a noble intention, neither should you have to make a sacrifice.” She met his gaze in the dark. “Do you love her?”
Did he? He took another swig but then nodded. “I absolutely do.” There was no use pretending to deny it. “It just happened. Those feelings go deep. They’ve penetrated my soul and then have come back to fill all those cracks with… joy.” Merely talking about Anne, thinking about her, sent a wave of awareness over him. Again, his shaft twitched. A longing to be with her, hear her voice, thrummed through his veins. To make certain he wasn’t merely waxing eloquent by the notion of love and romance.
“Then fight for her. Overcome your fears. Help her beat hers, for a woman like her must have some if she’s dead set against marriage.”
Interesting thought. He’d need to find out. “The risks in both our relationship and her goals—”
“Everything comes with a risk, Worthington. Nothing good in life comes without them, nor is it easy. Why do you think the satisfaction in meeting those dreams is so fulfilling?”
He nodded and took another healthy swig. Already, he’d had enough. If he didn’t stop soon, he’d be in his cups. “Is she worth it, do you think? Worth putting myself at risk while continuing to hold herself on the razor’s edge of danger?”
“Perhaps you should ask yourself that question.” His mother rose from the chair. “And I think you already know that answer. The only thing I can say at this point is good luck, and I can’t wait to see how your story will end.” With another pat to his cheek, she crossed the room. “Goodnight, Benedict.”
He didn’t answer. Instead, he stared at the open window, inhaled the rain-scented air, and sighed. Loving Anne. Did he have enough courage for that?
Only time will tell.
