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“Perhaps a bit.” She paused, thinking over her next words carefully. “It goes by so quickly.” A wave of unexpected sadness hit her, whether from her failed engagement with Stephen or the loss of her husband, she couldn’t say. “When you assume that you’ll be happy and content forever, fate yanks at the threads beneath your feet. She hands you a different path entirely, and you’re expected to weather that change with dignity.” Lynette shrugged. “I have my son, and at times he’s been the one thing I live for. The constant that never changes, though I know it will sometime in the future.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.” Stephen’s expression softened, and in the dim light, he resembled the young man she would have married all those years ago.
“Thank you. Grief sneaks up on a person when they’re unaware.”
“You loved your husband very much?”
“I did. It was a whirlwind affair, and something I needed after I broke it off with you.” Wry grin that felt tinged with sorrow. “Stephen, you must know that I’m sorry we didn’t work as a couple, but you wouldn’t have been happy with me, I think.”
“Yet you made that decision for me.” From the stubborn set of his chin, he’d obviously not moved on from her actions.
Lynette sighed. “Perhaps, but at the time it was the right thing to do.” There was so much she wished to say to him in explanation, but in the end, she was a coward. “I adored life with my husband, but then the war took him and left me with a two-year-old. Eventually his pension gave out and Mother is in dire straits with unpaid taxes on Birch House.” She shook her head. “At times it becomes too much of a burden and threatens to suck me under.” Why in the world was she revealing all of this to him, the man she’d once hoped to share a life with?
There was no other explanation than it felt all too good to be in his company again. Each time the gentle winter breeze blew, his scent teased her nose, and she reveled in that Alpine aroma, the smell the air took on just before it snowed.
“I’m sorry to hear of your extenuating circumstances. That’s rather a string of rotten luck.” When he could have been cold toward her or even horrid, none of that showed in his eyes. Instead, the care and concern there tugged at her chest. Had he forgiven her? “Perhaps you and your mother will find peace during the Christmastide house party as well as solutions.”
“Thank you for the kindness, but life isn’t as simple as that.” Not even at this time of the year, but oh, how nice it was to think about! “At least at Ivy Castle, some of my worries can wait in the background.”
“True. I’m finding the same to a certain extent.” He nodded but didn’t drop his gaze. “In any event, I’m glad you and I aren’t the enemies we once were. At least I’m hopeful.” A hint of vulnerability showed in his face, gone at his next blink.
“No, we’re not. I have not the strength to hold grudges.” She touched his arm, struck again how nice it was to be in his company. “I hope you’ve forgiven me, Stephen. I never meant to hurt you.”
“It’s in the past.” He rested a hand on hers, engulfing hers in his larger one for one fleeting moment. “Perhaps I’ll see you during some of the entertainments planned.”
Some of the anxiety slipped from her shoulders. “Indeed you will, for where else would I be?” Gently, she removed her hand from his arm and made ready to return to the drawing room. “I hope you find what you’re looking for this Christmastide season. You deserve happiness, and no one should feel alone during this time.”
“Agreed.” Puzzlement entered his expression, but for what, she couldn’t say.
“Well, goodnight.”
“Enjoy the rout. It was good to see you again, better still to talk.”
“Thank you.” He’d made no overture toward resuming a romantic relationship, or even a temporary friendship. Were they destined to be cold strangers to each other, with a sad history between them? Somehow, that broke her heart more than losing him in the first place.
“Lynette?”
She caught her breath as her pulse accelerated while she turned her head and looked at him. “Yes?”
“Bring your son along during some of the outdoor activities. I’d like to meet him, and he might enjoy playing with my niece. Getting out of the nursery will do him good.” The unnamed longing in his dark eyes spoke to the same that had lingered in her soul ever since she’d broken their engagement.
“I will, thank you.” It would be good for John to be around the Ivy men. Since her husband died, he’d had precious little male role models in his life, and there were none better than Stephen and his brothers.
Plus, it would give her the opportunity to remain in Stephen’s company, if only on the sidelines. To dream of what might have been.
Things could have been far worse this Christmastide.
