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CHAPTERNINE
Parker watchedMillie and her mother emerge from the book shop as he leaned against the wall of the local tavern. He ran a hand through his hair and then scrubbed the back of his neck.
Millie was avoiding him. In fairness, she’d been avoiding everyone, but it was clear that he was the reason.
She could hardly even look at him.
His own feelings of inadequacy rose up tightening his chest. No matter how many times he told himself that he had no control over the circumstances, that he had excellent reasons for keeping Tillie’s secrets, he couldn’t help but wish…
It should be different.
Millie ought to know how he felt and how they had a right to have these feelings. She’d not betrayed her sister and neither had he. But he felt trapped. Three different times, he’d considered talking to Tillie. Tell her how he felt, how her sister felt. Beg her to release him from their bargain, or at least bring her sister into her confidence.
Tillie was the one bent on deception, and for good reason, he was sure. But all the same, this ruse was hurting Millie, and him, and likely Tillie too. No good ever came out of being dishonest with the people closest to one’s heart. With anyone, really.
But his own promises stopped him.
The goods Farthington was giving him at Tillie’s orchestrating were too valuable and the futures of others were at stake.
He thought of the man who’d been one of his tenants and had come to move his furniture. He’d likely been forced to move to the city to look for work. Did he live in a tiny one-room, rundown building with thousands of other people?
Parker had seen such places. No, fresh air, disease, and pestilence ran rampant. Those were the people he had to make amends to and protect to his best ability.
Millie and her mother entered the inn and tavern and he pushed off the wall, following them in.
Millie’s mother spoke with the innkeeper as Millie stood off to one side.
He stepped up next to her, taking this moment to…he wasn’t quite certain yet, but he’d figure out something. He had to find some words that didn’t betray Tillie but comforted Millie.
“Millie,” he said as he reached for her elbow. “I’d like to speak with you.”
Her eyes widened as she took a quick step back. “I’d rather not.”
“Please,” he said, not moving any closer. “I…” He swallowed. “I need you to know some things, and I hate that you’re suffering.”
“I’m not,” she said, notching up her chin. “I am absolutely fine.”
But her eyes told the truth. Even though her jaw sat at a jaunty angle, pain pulled at the corners of her lids. He let out a heavy breath. “Good. Then you won’t mind listening to me for just a moment?”
Her mouth dipped into a frown. “I suppose.”
“For starters, I meant what I said. You’ve done nothing wrong and neither have I.” He gave her a long stare, wanting her to see the truth in his eyes.
But her jaw only hardened. “The two of you didn’t agree to an engagement over the past few days?”
“No,” he answered. At least in this, he could be completely honest. “And no courtship either.”
He saw uncertainty waver in her eyes. She took a small step forward, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. “The two of you aren’t compatible?”
He winced. Gads, how he wished to tell her the truth. No, he and Tillie weren’t compatible. That he’d pursued Tillie for the good of others, that he’d give anything to be another man so that he’d be free to make Millie his own. “Tillie is wonderful. But…” He stopped, trying to formulate the right words.
Millie cocked her head to the side. “But?”
He let out a frustrated breath. He couldn’t come out and say that he and Tillie had no future. He wanted to say the words more than anything, and he suspected that’s what she wanted too. “Please just reserve judgment for a few more days. Everything is going to sort itself out.”
She made a choking noise in her throat. “Reserve judgment?”
“There are things I can’t…” He paused. “I need your trust.”
