AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Her eyes closed as a pulse of pain moved down her body. Then she snapped herself back to the present.
She was being ridiculous. She’d only just met the man. And he was a practiced rake with loads of skill in charming women. She likely was just suffering from inexperience.
With that thought, she made her way back inside, refreshments having been laid out for the guests.
Her stomach churned as she picked up a delicate pastry filled with jam. She ought to eat. Her head would likely clear if she did, but the guilt churning in her stomach made her slightly sick.
She’d not actually done anything, she reasoned.
Feelings were on the inside. People had them.
The trick was to resist temptation. Wasn’t that what they preached at church? Everyone was tempted sometimes.
She drew in a deep gulp of air, filling her lungs as she straightened. She’d just have to be stronger. Tillie always looked at everything with a scientific mind. What would her sister say?
Likely that his past reputation was forged with repeated bad behavior.
And that Millie ought to use that behavior to determine her own.
In addition, Tillie would list the facts.
He was her sister’s suitor. He was not someone her mother approved of for Millie herself.
He was impoverished and…she stopped. Her emotions didn’t really care about any of that. She’d never been as good at logic as Tillie.
With a sigh, she took a delicate ham sandwich and added it to her plate.
“Millie,” her mother called, her tone filled with breathless excitement. “Did you see how well that walk went?”
“How did you know that…”
Her mother waved her hand dismissing Millie’s question. “I was watching from the library.”
Her heart jumped into her throat. Had her mother seen the incident the with the rose? “You were?”
“Why did you spend so much time talking with Lord Rangeley?” her mother asked, her gaze narrowing.
Millie swallowed. “He wished to discuss Tillie.” A lie. And one that sat sour in her mouth. She set her plate aside.
Her mother nodded, more than satisfied with the explanation as she went on. “Did you see their heads bent together when they talked? Your sister is finally going to marry and then you will be able to have your first season.” Her mother clapped. “You’ll be the belle of every ball.”
Millie shifted uncomfortably. She didn’t want to be the belle of every ball. She wanted to be prized for her intelligence and confidence. Like Tillie. She might not be as good at reason but that didn’t mean she didn’t have hopes and feelings. Wouldn’t it be nice if people listened to them for a change?
But her mother didn’t seem to notice her silence as she kept talking. “I should schedule an appointment for you with the modiste. You’ll need an entirely new wardrobe.”
“New? What’s wrong with what I have?” It wasn’t that she didn’t like new clothing but she felt as though she were losing herself in this moment. Her mother’s dream was shaping her future before Millie had even decided what she might wish for herself.
Her mother scowled. “Don’t be silly. You’ll need the latest fashions if you’re going to attract a duke.”
“A duke? Are there many available?” Who was this man and how would he make her feel compared with the way she responded to Lord Rangeley?
“One.”
“How old is he?” she asked petulantly. But she didn’t want to be forced upon some unsuspecting man nor did she wish to marry a man for whom she had no feelings. And above all else, she wished to be valued at least for something other than her looks.
“Young enough.” Her mother rolled her eyes. “What’s gotten into you? You sound like Tillie.”
That, she took as a compliment. She wanted to be stronger. Braver.
