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Chapter 22
John stirred the fire one last time. It didn’t have much life left in it, and the shed had gotten colder. He needed to wake Sam, lest she freeze to death, but she was sleeping so peacefully that he didn’t have the heart to rouse her. He covered her with their clothes and occasionally warmed the coat by the hearth before covering her with it again, but since the fire was dying out, he wouldn’t be able to keep her warm any longer.
“Good morning,” Sam said in a hoarse, sleepy voice from the bed. He looked up and smiled at the picture she presented. Her hair was tousled and tumbling over her face and shoulders, her eyes were still hooded with sleep, her cheek lined from sleeping heavily against one side.
“Good morning,” he answered. He walked to the bed and sat on the edge. “Did you sleep well?”
“Mmm…” She stretched, pulling her arms from under the covers. She then sat up and enveloped him in a hug. “You’re so warm,” she croaked in her sleepy voice and placed her head on his shoulder.
John laughed and eased her away. “Get dressed, love. We need to get home. The fire is dying, and it will be freezing here soon.”
Sam nodded and proceeded to get dressed. John tucked his shirt into the band of his breeches and threw his coat over his shoulders. Light shivers ran along his body at the warmth. He’d been cold most of the night, but he was used to being cold; he didn’t mind that. Something else had bothered him though, much more than the freezing night air.
He’d spent most of the night with an erection and to say that he was uncomfortable would be an understatement. He’d spent the entire night in agony. He’d been certain he’d subside soon after pleasuring her, but she’d kept moving in her sleep and brushing against him, touching him and occasionally making delicious moaning sounds. He knew that he’d done the right thing. It’s not as if he could have her on the cold and rough bed, without a mattress or even bed linens.
Serves me right. It was his fault they’d ended up spending the night in the shed after all.
“I am dressed.” Sam’s voice brought him out of his reverie. He looked at her. She was standing by the door frame, bonnet on her head, a few strands of hair peeking out of it, a folded corset in her hands. She looked so beautiful, so innocent. Why had he married her? Nothing good could come out of their union. He’d ruin her before the year was out. He shook the grim thoughts out of his head.
“Let’s go home. There must be a hot breakfast waiting for us.”
* * *
Over the next week, John did his best to distance himself from his wife. He had lost his temper with her, and he didn’t want that to ever happen again. He knew that the best way to ensure that was to keep away from her. He worked himself to distraction and stopped visiting her in the library.
John often ran up the stairs after work and stood by the door to the library, listening to the sounds inside, imagining her sitting in her chair, her feet tucked under her skirts, her lips in a thoughtful pout. He massaged the tense muscles of his neck and sauntered in the direction of his room.
He’d moved into the master’s chambers after the night in the shed, as a reminder of who he was and what he was capable of turning into. She was too innocent to realize the danger she was in living by his side. He, the one person who was supposed to protect her, was the one person who could destroy her.
“John,” his wife said softly from behind him, and he stopped in his tracks.
“Weren’t you going to say hello?”
John grimaced and turned slowly to face his wife. “I’m sorry, Angel. I was hoping to retire immediately.”
She nodded and fidgeted with her skirts before seemingly making her mind up about something and moving toward him.
“Would you mind if I came into your room with you? I just wanted to talk to you about something. And seeing as how you are tired, perhaps I can do that while you change your clothes.”
John wanted to refuse, he’d already opened his mouth to say no, but what came out was completely different. “Of course, Angel.”
He cursed himself the moment he said it. Wasn’t he trying to keep her away from him?What about the dangers of you beasting out on her again,his conscience screamed. But seeing her there, standing awkwardly, fiddling with her skirts, all he wanted was to scoop her up and kiss her senseless. He hated himself for being weak, but it was too late. A bright smile appeared on her face, and he fairly melted from the radiant glow in her eyes.
So he moved toward the room, Sam following in his tracks. The moment he entered, he started slowly stripping off his coat and a waistcoat. Sam seated herself gingerly on the edge of her bed and watched him unashamedly.
John started on the buttons of his shirt and froze. Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to strip in front of her.
“What did you want to talk about?” he asked, peering at her from beneath his lashes.
“You’ve stopped coming to the library,” she said with a slight frown. “Are you too tired for the readings?”
“I’m sorry, I’ve got a lot on my mind and this week has been really busy.” He avoided a direct answer, and by the wistful expression on her face, she noticed it.
“It’s been raining all week, so I wasn’t able to see you at lunch either. I’ve really missed you.”
John’s heart leaped at her words. At the same time, he squirmed uncomfortably and moved to the window. He looked out into the foggy garden.Why is it so bloody difficult for me to find peace?He had everything he’d ever wanted, and yet he couldn’t take full advantage of his life.
Sam heaved a sigh. “I was rereading the letters I wrote to Ben today,” she said suddenly.
