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Chapter 29
The sun shone brightly in the blue, cloudless sky. Sam was walking in a field of violets, just as she used to do every summer ever since she could remember. It had been a fortnight since she last saw John. She’d argued with her family about bullying him away, about minding their own business, and how she was an independent married woman, but deep down in her heart, she knew they were right. At least in part.
John had left her without so much as a goodbye, while she was lying sick in bed. He’d left, and he hadn’t even inquired after her wellbeing once. She couldn’t be the only one invested in this relationship, trying to bring him out of his misery and wasting all her energies. Not anymore. Not since she had her precious babe to worry about.
So she’d left for her ancestral hall. And she couldn’t have been happier. She enjoyed sedate long rides in the mornings—not one person in the household allowed her to go past a trot anymore—shared meals with her sister and brothers, talking about all kinds of nonsense. She read a lot in her old library. And in the evenings, she ventured out for walks in the flower fields. Yes, she was happy. If she said that often enough, she was bound to convince herself.
She found her favorite boulder, the one she’d spent endless days on, sketching to Ben and later to John, albeit without knowing, and settled comfortably on top. She looked at the sun, watching as it sank below the horizon.
“The first time we met, you leaned over me and the sun cast a glow around your head like a halo. For a moment, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. I thought you were an angel.”Sam remembered John’s gentle words as he’d gifted her the angel pendant all those weeks ago. She dipped her hand into her bodice and withdrew the pendant, rubbing it between her fingers.
Tears rolled down her cheeks. Another memory sprung to mind of a beautiful day such as this, when she was sitting on a log and sketching John. He was so happy then, so carefree. She took the pencil out and opened her sketchbook to a fresh page. Sam started sketching John from memory, remembering his smiling face, his eyes glinting with mischief, the scar she barely noticed anymore. He was beautiful to her, and she missed him so much.
She turned page after page, filling her sketchbook with John’s likeness. When she sketched, the whole world disappeared. It was just her and the memory of John. Perhaps, if she sketched him long enough, she would forget all her troubles. Even her bruised heart. She turned the page to start another drawing, but when she looked up from her sketch, it was dark.
“I suppose it is time to go home,” she said to herself with a shrug and put a hand to her abdomen. “How I managed to see what I was sketching for the past several minutes, I shall never know.”
She collected her items and moved toward the house when she heard the sound of a galloping horse. The horse and its rider were headed her way. She squinted in the dark, trying to make out the form of the rider. It was probably Richard. Although they might have just sent James, the footman, to fetch her.
When the rider was a few feet away, he leaped off the horse before it could stop.
“Are you out of your mind?” The achingly familiar husky male voice shook with anger and agitation. “What are you doing here in the dark?”
Her husband’s form started to reveal itself from the shadows. He reached her in swift, long strides and took her by the arms, concern shining in his eyes. “Are you all right?”
Sam couldn’t shake herself out of the shock.
“Am I all right?” she asked, bewildered, finally getting her wits back. “Now, you are worried?”
Once she gained her voice, she was determined to tell him everything she thought of him. He had no right to act concerned after leaving her that way. “After two blasted weeks? Where have you been, John? Were you worried about me then? Because I’ve been out every evening in the past fortnight!” She threw the words at him and had the satisfaction of seeing his expression changing to chagrin.
He pushed his hand through his tousled hair. “I know, I have no right. I was just so frightened when I came here, and you weren’t home.” He scrubbed his hand over his face and pressed his fingertips to the corners of his eyes. “Let me take you home,” he said, extending his hand to her. “We’ll talk about it there.”
“I don’t want to talk with you, John,” she said harshly, jerking away. “And I am not going anywhere with you.”
She started heading down the path toward her home, without looking if he followed. After a while, she heard the horse’s hooves and a man’s footsteps closer to her side. John reached her and started walking beside her.
“I am sorry,” he said quietly.
He had a look of such misery that she almost threw herself at him, kissed him, and forgave him all his sins.Almost. And she probably would have a few weeks ago. Now, thinking about the babe, it was different. She couldn’t have him leaving as he pleased, then apologizing and expecting to be welcomed with open arms. If he was going to be in this child’s life, she needed to be able to rely on him.
“Have you noticed that you say that a lot? You apologize, but then you turn around and act the same way all over again.” She stared straight ahead as she spoke, not looking his way. “All right, what are you sorry for this time? For yelling at me just now, when you had no right? For strangling me half to death in your sleep? Or for leaving me without a word while I lay unconscious, battered, and bruised?”
John visibly flinched from the accusations. “For everything,” he said quietly. “And more. You deserve so much more, Sam, dear.”
“I know I do, John. But that is not the biggest issue here.” She stopped and rounded on him.
“It’s not?” He looked genuinely confused.
“The child,” she said simply.
“What about the child?” His expression grew tense and worried.
“Exactly, John. What about the child?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I am talking about your apparent lack of concern for our future child. You weren’t happy about it when I told you, you ran away the moment my suspicions were confirmed, and now you’re here, and you haven’t even mentioned him!”
