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“We will have the room,” she ordered, reminding me of the fact that we were still surrounded by assistants.
They curtsied to her before leaving the two of us alone. When the door shut behind the last one, she tilted her head to the side and looked me over.
“How close to the edge of a panic attack are you?”
“Right on the very, very edge.” I gasped out and took a deep breath.
She laughed. “Very good for keeping it together till I came.”
“Am I keeping it together? Because…because my heart is pounding so fast, I think it might break against my ribs. I’m not sure if I can get in the dress right now.”
“Gale will marry you in the robe, then,” she teased.
“Your Grace!” I wasn’t in the right mind to be teased, least of all by her.
“Come.” She took my hand and led me over to the couch across from the dress, sitting me beside her. “Your mother wanted to come because she knew you’d be nervous; however, I asked her to allow me this moment.”
“My mom?” I glanced to the door, kind of willing that she would come in. Not that I didn’t want Elspeth, but I couldn’t properly freak out with her.
“Don’t worry, she’ll come in once I’ve said what I need to say,” she stated, pulling my attention back to her. She held my hand tightly. “Can I share something with you? Present queen to future queen.”
“Please.”
“I shall tell you how this day will go,” she said slowly. “You will put on the dress because you will remember that it is not the world waiting for you but the person you love. You will hear the crowd roar all around you. It will make you shake; you will feel excited, nervous, and thankful the whole ride over. Then you see him at the Abbey, and everything else will fade. It will feel like an out-of-body experience. Without even realizing it, you will say everything you need to say and be crowned queen. I, along with the rest of the nation, shall bow in respect to that.”
I took another deep breath. “That’s what’s making me nervous.”
“Don’t be, Odette, because this is the best and easiest day. It will be filled with celebration and joy. Then the day will end, and everything will get harder as your most important duty will begin. Do you know what it is?”
“Being a good queen?”
“Taking care of Gale,” she corrected, gently letting go of my hand. “Taking care of the king. That is your duty, and I do not simply mean loving him. If Galahad is anything like his father, and he very much is, sometime in the early morning, he’ll wake and panic. He’ll be full of doubt and guilt and fear. That is the beginning of your real duty. Calming him, comforting him, making sure he doesn’t end up staying awake all night, worrying. Kings are fragile, especially the first year of their reign. Which is why so many people try to take advantage of them.”
“I understand how he could feel that way; even I am—”
“That word,” she said, pointing to me. “I.”
“I?”
“Yes. You’re going to need to retire it for some time, my dear,” she clarified. “Tomorrow morning, you will wake and feel a whole new set of anxieties. You will worry about how you will adapt to this new role. But you cannot show that to the new king. You cannot think of yourself. You cannot think I. And that will be a challenge. However, it is your first and most important challenge. It defines everything that goes forward. More than you realize. The king cannot see your fear until he’s overcome his. You must be the rock that polishes the sword, Odette. Even when you are not confident, you will need to be confident so he can be, too. You must allow him not to worry about you. Even if he asks.”
I frowned at that. “I will support him, of course. But I don’t want to have secrets. He was upset at me for keeping it all inside before. He’s going to be my husband—”
“Honesty is great for husbands, not so much for kings.” She frowned in return. “There were many times I felt like screaming, where I actually did weep. Even in the beginning. I am not lying to you when I say it is hard. Harder than you can imagine. But Lionel never saw, not till much time had passed. I’m not telling you to lie. I’m telling you to think very carefully about the times when you choose to add your burdens to his already heavy shoulders.”
I swallowed slowly, not really sure what to say. My chest tightened. “I guess this was the reason why all the fairy tales ended at the wedding.”
“It is,” she agreed with a sad look on her face. “This part is not always fun. Having to be someone’s rock is not easy. But that is what we are. If you crack, if you shake, everything else shakes, too. You will make mistakes. I’m not asking you to be perfect. I was not, and even till the end, I’ve made mistakes.”
I scoffed, not believing her. “I don’t know many queens. None at all, really. But you, Elspeth, are awe-inspiring. If I can be half as great as you…”
“You will be better in many ways,” she said with absolute confidence. “And worse in others. That is all right. I simply want you to remember that while he might be the ruler of this nation, you are the ruler of this palace, and this is the heart of the nation. You will see it clearly when I am gone.”
“You are leaving?” I panicked, wanting to grab her hands again desperately.
“Not right away. It will look bad if I leave right after the wedding, especially with the holidays coming up. I’ll wait until after New Year’s.”
“Elspeth, this is your home. You don’t have to—”
