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I love you more than all the stars I see.
Josh, you’re so great with my mum,
And you’re really good at making me... laugh.’
Audrey trailed off as she took in the crowd, who were looking on in bemusement. She was quickly losing confidence in this idea, and in her ability to make up appropriate lyrics on the spot. Keeley must have sensed she needed support, because she clapped her hands at her friends and then four of them rushed in to start dancing encouragingly behind Audrey.
Looking up, Audrey could see the shadow of a figure in the room behind Granny Parker. Josh was up there, she needed to keep singing.
‘Josh, I love that you moved a tree for me,
And every morning you bring me tea.
I’ll try and stop getting crumbs on our bedding,
I’m just so sorry that I ruined our wedding!’
Her pitch had got steadily higher as she’d gone on. Audrey was many things, but she was not a good singer. Behind her the backing dancers had started trying to help her out, by singing a refrain of ‘Josh, Josh, forgive her, Josh, Josh’, and clicking their fingers as they danced.
Audrey glanced over at Keeley who was nodding along appreciatively and filming the whole spectacle on her phone. Looking behind her, she could see the backing dancers were excellent. Maybe this really was going to work. Who wouldn’t be won over by a live, improvised musical number outside their hotel room? Audrey joined in with the dancers’ refrain of ‘Josh, Josh, forgive her, Josh, Josh’, and even attempted a little twirl. Then there was a loud bang and pink glitter rained down from the sky.
Audrey turned to see a girl next to Keeley holding what looked like a glitter cannon.
‘Liz! We needed that for tonight,’ cried Keeley.
‘Sorry, it felt like a glitter cannon moment,’ said Liz. ‘I always carry one in my bag for emergencies.’
Audrey had run out of words, she also had glitter in her mouth and her nostrils. The backing dancers stopped singing and they all looked up and waited for Granny Parker, or indeed Josh, to say something.
‘Well, that was impressive,’ Granny Parker declared at last. ‘But I’m afraid Josh isn’t here.’
The figure beside her stepped forward and Audrey could see that it was a man dressed in the hotel’s burgundy uniform. ‘Me and Samuel from housekeeping thoroughly enjoyed it though.’
Audrey sighed. All that glitter and embarrassment for nothing. The crowd of hotel guests by the pool were all staring, and Keeley was still filming on her phone.
‘Please don’t post that anywhere, Keeley,’ she said, hanging her head in disappointment.
‘Wait there, I’m coming down,’ called Granny Parker.
Audrey shuffled over to find a table by the pool bar, smiling awkwardly at all the people who had witnessed her failed performance. When Granny Parker arrived, she was wearing huge black sunglasses, a giant sun hat, and a hotel robe. She took a seat imperiously opposite Audrey.
‘So, Josh isn’t here. Will he be back soon?’ Audrey asked, anxious to know where he had gone.
‘They don’t have places like this in Yorkshire, you know.’ Granny Parker was not in any kind of hurry to put Audrey out of her misery. ‘You ask for anything here and they bring it to you. They even found me a Yorkshire teabag last night, I feel like the Queen of Sheba.’
‘Yes, it’s a nice place. And Josh is... ?’
‘He slept on the sofa bed last night but then decided he didn’t want to stay here. He’s given me the room.’
‘So where is he now?’ Audrey tried to hide her irritation that this information hadn’t been imparted to her ten minutes ago, before the song and the backing dancers and the glitter cannon.
‘The tree people he’s meeting with on Friday told him about a new farm they might invest in. He volunteered to do a recce, take some photos, meet the owners. They’ve offered to put him up for a few nights while he’s there.’
Audrey felt crushed. Here she was, thinking of nothing but Josh, and meanwhile he was getting on with his life without her. He was using their failed honeymoon as a chance to do something useful. Granny Parker must have noticed her face fall, because she said, ‘Don’t worry, he’s still mardy and miserable. He hasn’t forgotten he’s heartbroken.’
The older woman let out a long exhale. ‘Listen to me, Audrey. All I heard in that speech and that song of yours was what you want. Maybe it’s time you asked yourself what Josh might want. Why does he need you? How do you make him happy?’ She paused. ‘Love and marriage, it’s a two-way street. You need more than a showy performance; you need to ask yourself what it is you bring to the party.’
Audrey sat back in her chair and nodded slowly. Granny Parker was right. All this time, she’d been wondering if Josh was her one true love and had not stopped to think about whether she was his.
‘You’re right. I’ve been self-involved and selfish.’
‘Well, everyone’s capable of change.’ Granny Parker paused.
Audrey nodded, grateful for her softer tone.
‘And I’ll say your heavy soul looks a little lighter than it did before. He still loves you. Where there’s love, there’s hope. Have you got the Yorkshire soil I gave you?’ Audrey nodded. ‘Then dig deep, and I’m sure you’ll think of something.’
With that she tapped a sharp finger against Audrey’s chest, and Audrey felt the seed of an idea planted.
