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Three Years Before I Do
Now that their friend group’s average age was twenty-five, ‘the wedding years’ had begun in earnest. It felt like there was a wedding almost every other weekend. This Saturday, it was Ben and Dee, friends of Paul’s from Cambridge. They’d got to know Clara and Audrey through various social events at the Tooting house, so all the housemates, plus Jay, had been invited.
Audrey clocked Josh in the church immediately, sitting just a few pews ahead of her. She recognised his broad back and polite manner as he stood up to allow other people past. She couldn’t see Kelly with him.
‘Did some other halves not get invited?’ she whispered to Clara, who was sitting next to her.
Clara shrugged. ‘Not that I know of. It feels like everyone got invited.’
‘I would have happily not come,’ said Jay, who was sitting on the other side of Clara. ‘You know I’m missing Latitude for this?’
‘Oh shush. You’d rather be here with me, than at a festival without me,’ Clara whispered, running a hand down his thigh. ‘We’re going to dance all night, then have a lazy hotel breakfast tomorrow.’
‘You’re right, I’m happiest wherever you are,’ Jay said, leaning across to kiss her neck, and making an inappropriate ‘grrrr’ sound.
‘Guys, we’re in a church! Do I need to sit between you?’ Audrey asked, in her best schoolmarm voice.
Fortunately, the swell of the organ put an end to their inappropriate display of affection, and the congregation all stood to sing ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful’.
‘What wedding present did you get them in the end?’ Clara whispered to Audrey.
‘I mapped them a binary star,’ Audrey replied.
She was currently earning close to minimum wage, so she was having to get creative with gifts. Audrey’s job at the art gallery had not lasted long. She didn’t like having to wear smart clothes every day, or deal with stuffy customers. It may also have been that the exhibition space reminded her of Benedict, but she had not dared let herself dwell on that factor. She’d served her notice and signed up to a local dog walking agency. It paid less, but she was getting fit and had more time in the day for photography work.
‘What’s a binary star?’ Clara asked.
‘Two stars gravitationally bound to one another. From a distance they look like one, but close up you can see they are two individuals, orbiting around one another. It’s the closest thing in the cosmos to a committed relationship. I made Dee and Ben a chart mapping where they can find their binary star with a little index of everything I know about it.’
‘Audrey, you bitch, that’s such a great gift. I got them fucking pillowcases.’
Audrey stifled a snort. ‘Well, I give everyone the same binary star, but they’ll never know, will they?’
‘Well, Jay and I want our own,’ Clara whispered. ‘I’m not having their mucky cosmic seconds.’
Audrey thought for a moment. ‘It might sound like a romantic idea, two stars drawn into each other’s orbit, but most close binaries end up destroying each other. Don’t worry, I’ll pay up and get you a proper gift. Do you want salad tongs?’
During the service, as Ben and Dee made their vows, Audrey’s eyes were drawn to Josh, and she remembered what he’d said about marriage: ‘If you’re going to commit to anything in this life, shouldn’t it be love?’ She wasn’t usually moved by weddings; they felt like productions, where people recited a script to audition for the role of ‘married person’. But with Josh’s words in her mind, she found herself welling up as she watched Dee say, ‘I do.’
At the lawn reception, she saw Josh laughing with some of his Cambridge friends. He had a tan and was dressed in a perfectly fitted morning suit. She would not seek him out, she would wait for him to come and say hi to her. But she found she couldn’t stop her eyes from being drawn in his direction. When the time came to sit down for dinner, Audrey’s heart tripped in her chest when she saw the seating plan. She could have kissed Dee – she’d put her on a table with Josh. She walked through the marquee to find her seat and found him already at the table, pulling out the empty chair beside him.
‘Hello, Amy,’ he said, leaning in to kiss her on both cheeks, placing a hand gently on her waist. She felt a tingle of electricity. He smelled of cedar or pine, freshly ironed cotton and something earthy and male. ‘Lovely to see you.’
‘Hi, James,’ she said, with a purposeful air of casual detachment.
Over dinner, Audrey tried to be on her best behaviour. She drank slowly, adopted the tone of someone who was civilised and mature. She wanted to wipe clean any image Josh might have had of her drunkenly kissing Hamishes or men named after herbs.
‘How many trees are you up to?’ she asked.
‘Two hundred and nine,’ he said. ‘Plus, one for you.’
‘You remembered,’ she said, with a smile.
‘Of course. I even made him a tag. “Audrey’s tree – Cuthbert.”’
‘I’m impressed you didn’t forget about Cuthbert,’ she said, her eyes meeting his.
‘Of course not,’ he said, and the fizz was right there, just where they’d left it several months before.
