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“I would be so happy if you would.”
“Will you listen?”
“I have listened. You have not said anything to the point.”
“The point is that I won’t ruin your life,” Teresa declared.
“You will only do that by refusing me. I love you, you know. I seem to have forgotten to say that.” He looked rueful. “Ithasbeen a long time since I made an offer. And I’ve only done it once before. I hope you will make allowances. I love you with all my heart. You are everything I admire, and desire, in a woman.”
The elation shook her again.
“I had thought that perhaps you felt something for me,” he added.
He said it humbly, hopefully. Teresa felt as ifherheart would break. “It doesn’t matter.”
“On the contrary. It is critical. You have talked about me, and my life. Well, that is my concern. Let me decide. But you must tell me how you feel, what you want.”
“No,” she said.
“You won’t tell me?”
“We must stop this.”
“Or do you say that you care nothing for me and do not wish to be my wife?” He actually looked anxious. “Can you say so?”
“I don’t…” She tried to force out the words. But she couldn’t lie to him. Of course she cared. She loved him. Couldn’t he see that this was the reason she must refuse? He didn’t really want to be notorious. He wasn’t that sort of person. He was upright and sociable, the soul of honor. He would see that she was right when he had time to think.
“Teresa, do you say you do not care for me?” His face showed that he was growing hopeful. He reached for her hand.
She pulled it away. “Too much to let you do this.”
“Me again. What of you? Would you throw away the chance at happiness? I don’t wish to brag, but I have a good deal to offer.”
Only everything, Teresa thought. And she had nothing to give him but trouble. But she wanted him so much. If they could avoid the censorious gaze of society… “I would be your mistress,” she said.
“What?”
“You could visit me here.” Some of the neighbors would frown, but many in this part of London would not care. She would not, of course, take any of his money. “We could have…”
“You want me to behave like the man in Spain who treated you so shabbily?” He was scowling at her.
“This is nothing like that.”
“Is it not? I can’t see a great deal of difference.” She realized that he was furious. “You think I am such a man, that I would put you in that position?”
“We could be together without causing a great scandal.”
“Because I am a nobleman, and I can have a mistress, and no one will care.”
His eyes burned into hers. He looked magnificent. She wanted him as she had never wanted anything else in her life.
“Haven’t you shown me the inequities of this? Haven’t we worked together to combat some of the unfairness?”
She couldn’t deny it. Yet this remained the way of the world. “I will not be the instrument of your ruin.”
“But I am to be yours?”
“I’m already ruined.”
