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“Then you see that I cannot put you at risk again. Icannot.” He abruptly released her. “Tonight you saw what I am capable of,” he began again. “And there are things I have done that can never be forgotten. That is why you must go.”
Lottie bit her lip against the anguish in his words. Yes, she indeed saw what Alec was capable of. But nothing would ever be as frightening as those endless seconds after he pushed her onto the boat and stayed behind on the dock. Lottie could face anything now. Because she knew with maddening clarity what it felt like to almost lose him.
“No,” she said gently. “That is why I must stay.”
Alec let out an incredulous laugh. “You’re in shock. You have no idea what you’re saying.”
Lottie gritted her teeth against the irritation that suddenly flared inside her. “I absolutely do—”
“No,” he cut in harshly. “You know absolutelynothing. And that ridiculous plan of yours proves it.” Alec turned fully toward her in challenge. “You think ruination will gain you freedom, but you have not thought of the consequences. And how this willalwaysfollow you.”
“I know what to expect,” she insisted.
“How?” he demanded. “You’ve never been an outcast before. You don’t know what it will be like, what people will say about you if—”
She could not keep her own incredulous laugh from bursting out. “Goodness, is that really what you’ve been trying to save me from all this time? Gossip?” she sneered. “In that case I’m afraid you’re much too late. They alreadydotalk about me.”
This caught him by surprise. “What do you mean?”
Lottie exhaled. Was he really so blind? “I am an unmarried woman of large fortune who has rejected nearly a dozen proposals of marriage,” she said slowly. “If I were a man people would toast me, but because I dare to have standards I am met with ridicule. And contempt.”
“But, your friends—”
“Myfriends?” Lottie bit off. Now it was her turn to rage. “My friends have been the veryworstof it. What others may whisper behind my back they have said to my face. To them I am an object of pity. Of derision. All while they readily submit to men who care nothing for them beyond the money or status they bring to the marriage.” Lottie shook her head. “I cannot fault them for seeking out the comfort of a gilded cage, especially when they are afforded few, if any, alternatives. But since I am fortunate enough to have money of my own, I refuse to endure the same fate.”
“I…I had no idea you felt this way.”
“Of course not,” Lottie snapped. “Why would you? Men likeyouexpect ladies to be fulfilled by afternoon calls and embroidery. To freely relinquish our autonomy to our husbands and fathers who claim to know better. But I am not interested inanyof that.”
A heated silence passed between them.
“I assume you haven’t kept these thoughts to yourself.” Alec’s face was barely visible in the dark cabin, but she swore he almost sounded amused.
“I tried. At least at first. Until I started attending suffragist meetings last year.” She paused as an unexpected smile came over her. “I’ve never been so inspired than while watching those fiercely intelligent ladies demanding to be treated as the equal of any man. I learned so much from them. Of a life beyond what I had ever dreamed was possible.” She pressed her lips together and swallowed. “I invited my friend Abigail to come with me once, but she told Uncle Alfred instead. He was horrified and put a stop to all of it, claiming the meetings weren’t safe. That some of the women were radicals—which they were—butIwasn’t in any danger. Later he admitted he was worried about how it would affect my reputation, as no man in his right mind would want to marry such an ‘unnatural’ woman.”
In the darkness Alec let out a low curse.
“After that it was back to the same routine of tea dances and afternoon calls. Of trying to entertain men who couldn’t be bothered to hide their desire for my money.” Beside her Alec moved to grip his knee. “But then there was some awful business with Ceril Belvedere last spring.” She shuddered at the memory of his forceful kiss and absently touched her lips. “He did not take my rejection of his proposal well. And yet,I’mcalled a jilt. A tease.” She couldn’t keep the indignation out of her voice.
“I am sorry for that,” Alec said. “It was badly done on his part, and certainly not your fault. Any fool could see that.”
His words swirled around her heart. No one had ever said anything against Ceril’s behavior, not even her uncle. All his ire had been directed squarely at her for rejecting such a “worthy” suitor. Then Lottie frowned. “You know about Ceril? I thought you hadn’t spoken about me with my uncle.”
“I didn’t learn of it from him, but yes,” he admitted after a breath. “I did know.”
There was something hidden in that pause. Something he was hesitant to reveal. And if she pushed too hard now, she might never learn the truth. Luckily, Lottie had grown quite adept at waiting these last five years.
“But believe me,” he continued, his voice sterner now. “Things can be so much worse for you.”
He was right. The trouble was, Lottie simply didn’t care anymore. Her voice rose with each word, rough and urgent. “I can’t end up in some loveless society marriage pretending that everything is fine when it soobviouslyisn’t. I won’t do it. There is too much to lose.”
“Then don’t,” he urged. “Wait for someone you truly care about.” His voice turned thin and reedy as he spoke those last words, and he paused to clear his throat. “But don’t give up on the possibility. If you throw your whole future away now, you will regret it.”
“I can’t,” she cried. “Uncle Alfred insisted that I marry a man of his choosing by the end of the season while he still has some control over my inheritance.”
“What?” Alec’s voice rang out in the darkened cabin. “And you didn’t think to mention this?”
“I—I assumed you knew,” Lottie said weakly as guilt flooded through her.
