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Alec huffed. “I’ve sins aplenty, butforcing women into marriageisn’t among them.” Then he muttered a curse. “I knew you thought poorly of me. Knew you didn’t trust me. But dammit, I didn’t realize…”
Dear Lord. She hadhurthim. Lottie didn’t think she had the ability to do so. It now seemed superbly childish not to have told him earlier.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know if he would have gone through with it,” she added. “But I couldn’t take the chance.”
“So you decided to ruin yourself as insurance,” he said flatly. “With that man in Florence.”
Lottie was tempted to correct him, but he was already sore enough. “Ihatethat term, you know,” she muttered instead. “Why does my entire worth depend upon my sexual experience, or lack thereof, while men can bed as many women as they like and are congratulated for it? How isthatfair?”
“Lottie,” Alec murmured gently.
But she wasn’t in the mood to be coddled. “It’s insulting. It’s the height of hypocrisy. You must see that.”
“Of course I do,” he huffed. “And you’re right. It isn’t fair. But I don’t make the rules––”
“You don’t have to enforce them, either,” she countered.
“For God’s sake,” Alec grumbled as he scrubbed a hand over his face. “I’m not trying toenforcethem, but I’m not exactly in a position to ignore them, either, am I?”
Lottie turned away. He had a point. And she knew it even better than he realized. But she couldn’t be the one to bring up his parentage.
Outside Venice floated by, a mixture of moonlit stone and glowing torchlight. “All I ever wanted was what my parents had: a partnership built on love.” Her voice cracked. “It seemed such a simple thing when I was a girl. I actually thought I was being prudent. Reasonable. But I might as well have been wishing for a fairy tale.”
“Don’t say that,” he pleaded even while he stubbornly held himself away from her.
“Why?” she demanded, facing him once more. “Why should I live with such illusions? Isn’t it better to accept the reality of the choices before me? As far as I can see, I have two options: submitting to a loveless marriage or remaining a free woman of means at the expense of my reputation. I won’t bother asking what choiceyouwould make if you were in the same position.” Lottie stopped and inhaled slowly, wrestling to maintain some control over her sharp tongue. “I know it won’t be the life I have known, but I welcome the challenge. Even the fear. All of it. And I would destroy my reputation a thousand times over again if it meant feeling the way I have these last few days…”
It would have been so easy to sayweeksinstead, but she let the words hang there in the darkness between them. Alec slowly leaned toward her until she could feel wisps of warm breath on her neck. Until his heat wrapped around her as tightly as his embrace. Lottie fought back against the urge to press against him. To feel his strength and weight surrounding her once again. But not now. Not yet.
She turned toward him until their faces were mere inches apart. His features were still hidden in the shadows, but she could feel his heavy gaze upon her. “Because it has been my choice,” she continued. “Can you understand that?”
Alec let out a long sigh, but before he could answer, the boat came to a rocking halt and the driver announced their arrival. “Quickly now,” he said, immediately moving toward the exit. As the boatman handed Lottie onto the dock, he gave Lottie a friendly wink. Alec then exchanged a few secretive words with him before joining her. She did not regret speaking so plainly to him, but there was still so much that remained unsaid, and she sensed that Alec would reveal the full truth only if necessary. Only if it was a matter of life or death.
Chapter Sixteen
It was well after midnight, and the streets were eerily quiet as Alec led her back to his home. They walked side by side, but at no point during the short walk did he move to touch her. What little intimacy they had uncovered minutes ago had vanished now that they weren’t inside the cabin’s comforting darkness. Instead, his sharp eyes were consumed with scanning their surroundings, while his countenance projected a formidable prowess that would ward off all but the most determined of troublemakers.
“We weren’t followed,” he said, answering a question that hadn’t even occurred to her. They rounded a corner and came to a stop in front of the once-grand palazzo. All the windows were dark. Nico, his mother, and aunt had no doubt been asleep for hours. “No one knows where I live. Not even the signore. And no one would ever assume I was daft enough to livehere.”
Lottie’s heart twisted in her chest. “It’s your parents’ house, isn’t it?”
Alec nodded, but he still did not look at her. She would have given anything to know what he was thinking of: His mother’s death? His father’s unstoppable descent into madness? But then, such thoughts must never be far from him. Alec had chosen to live among those ghosts.
“Come,” he said. Lottie followed in silence as he entered the house. In the entryway he lit a single candle and led them up the winding staircase toward his flat. In the daytime, the palazzo’s faded grandeur could still be seen. But now the single flickering candle threw strange shadows against the high walls that only seemed to emphasize the many years of neglect and decay.
Alec came home to this every night, Lottie thought with a shiver as she followed him into the flat. The window shutters had been left open, and the main room was illuminated by the silvery moonlight. Alec paused to light a small candelabra. “It’s rather medieval now, but someday I hope to have electricity,” he said with an apologetic smile. Then he led her toward the bedroom with the desk. The one that contained so many secrets.
Alec entered the room and placed the candelabra on a bedside table. Then he turned to face her. “Get some rest. If you need anything, I’ll be right outside.” He gestured toward the threadbare sofa in the main room.
Lottie’s heart twisted again. Alec wouldn’t even sleep in the other bedroom that still housed his mother’s things. She sat down on the bed and grazed a finger against the worn coverlet. “You must have so many memories here,” she murmured and glanced up shyly. Alec’s face was hard, but his eyes burned witch black in the candlelight.
“Too many,” he said in a low voice. “Sleep well. You have a long journey ahead of you tomorrow.” He turned to leave but Lottie came to her feet. She pressed a trembling hand tightly against her abdomen.
“Alec. Wait.”
She had spoken his name so rarely these last days that it felt like casting a spell, an invocation for a power far greater than any she possessed. Alec immediately stopped before the doorway. His entire frame tensed. He turned halfway toward her. Just enough for a shard of moonlight to illuminate his strong profile. “You’re scared?”
“Yes.” It wasn’t exactly the truth, but Lottie would say close to anything if it drew him back to her. He turned all the way around and stepped closer. Though his face was as hard as before, his gaze seemed to penetrate straight to the hot, pulsing desire building within her. A weaker woman would have crumpled under what could easily pass as a glare. But not Lottie. She knew what that glare was hiding, and she would not leave Venice without uncovering it.
