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“I need more,” she begged again. “I need you.”
I need you.
She rubbed her nest of curls against his arousal, still hard as granite. Some primal part of him took over then, and he began slowly pushing into her voluptuous, silken heat. Lottie positively quivered beneath him, and her impatience only seemed to increase, which in turn further stoked the already scorching fire within him ever higher. She pressed her mouth by his ear and let out a string of desperate, lust-fueled words––yes, more, please—while she cradled his backside in her hands, urging him deeper until she suddenly let out a sharp cry and tensed.
Alec immediately froze as alarm flooded through him.
Lottie’s eyes flew open. “No, don’t stop,” she pleaded, but her voice was tight with pain. A sound that brought him back to his senses.
There had never been a Florentine lover.
No cad who had used and deserted her.
And no matter what Lottie felt about being “ruined,” this created complications for them both. Alec gritted his teeth, trying to ignore the intense pleasure still blooming inside him. He cupped her jaw and urged her face toward his. “Why didn’t youtellme?”
She met his gaze, as clear-eyed as ever. “Because. I wanted it to be you,” she said. “So badly.”
His rusty old heart creaked a little. “But I’ve hurt you.” He knew that could be interpreted in a hundred different ways.
He had heard the desperation in her voice earlier. The willingness to do whatever it took to secure her future.
I won’t bother asking what choiceyouwould make if you were in the same position.
“No,” she breathed, applying it to this particular moment. “It’s not nearly as painful as I expected.”
The rigid set of her features said otherwise. Even if shewasonly using him, he found he didn’t much care at the moment. “If we’re going to continue—”
“Do…do you not want to?”
He huffed a laugh at the uncertainty in her voice. “I want you to enjoy it.”
“I am,” she insisted with her usual stubbornness.
Alec couldn’t hold back his smile. “Well, then I want you to enjoy it even more.”
He drew his other hand between them and found the bud of her sex. He began to rub it gently, watching as the tension in her brow slowly faded and her eyes warmed. They could talk later. When they were both clothed. And his brain was fully functional. For now, he only wanted that look to grow.
“Oh. Thatisbetter,” she murmured.
Alec swallowed the urge to gloat as she pulled him closer until every one of his senses was filled with Lottie. Only Lottie. He dragged openmouthed kisses across her brow and down her neck, stopping to nip her earlobe and whisper the sweetest words he could think of. He grazed the sensitive bud once again, listening closely for any lingering sounds of pain. The thought that he had hurt her at all was unbearable, but all he heard now were those delicate little breaths quickening with every feathered touch. Slowly, so slowly, Alec pushed until he was fully sheathed in her velvet heat. Then he began to gently pump his hips.
She suddenly moaned his name and tightened her thighs around his waist. Alec let out a ragged gasp at the mind-melting sensation and could no longer hold back. The sound of his name on her lips, uttered in the throes of pleasure, propelled him toward a sharp, aching release that verged on painful—but not painful enough to distract from the words thundering in his mind:God, I love you.He remembered to withdraw only at the last possible moment, the force of his release so strong he saw stars. How easy it would have been to spill his seed inside her and bind them together forever, but he would not force her hand nor bring another bastard into the world.
He pushed back the damp curls that had fallen across her face and pressed his forehead to hers. They stared into one another’s eyes. His must have been as wide and wild as hers. Neither said a word, for there were none that could properly explain what had passed between them. Every little shred of him seemed to have shifted, turned inside out, been born anew. He hadn’t even felt like this when he lost his virginity. Why, he couldn’t remember the woman’snamenow. It was as if every previous experience had been wiped from his memory, rendered meaningless when compared to this. But underneath the euphoria that still surged through every vein, a sinking, sickly dread gained hold. All this time, he had lived in utter ignorance. Confined to his fantasies. Alec hadn’t realized what bliss it was.
Butthis.
Of all the missteps of the past few days, this was by far the worst. The last five years had been somewhat bearable, but now his heart would never be whole again. Not without her. Alec nestled his head against the crook of her neck and silenced his mind with the sound of her pulse returning to normal. He had dreamed of falling asleep wrapped in Lottie’s arms thousands of times, but for this one night it would come true.
Chapter Seventeen
An eternity appeared to pass while Lottie caught her breath. It seemed impossible to imagine that her limbs would ever be untangled from Alec’s, that her racing heart would ever not pump with such vicious joy. Nothing she had imagined could have prepared her for his tenderness, for the way his own heart seemed to shatter at their joining, as if it had been his innocence that was taken. He nuzzled her neck with a kind of boyish pleasure and she hugged him tighter, loving the feel of his body, no longer as coiled as a spring, pressing down against her own.
Eventually, Alec pulled out of her embrace and walked over to a small washstand in the corner. Lottie was pleased he didn’t attempt to hide his naked form—and that his backside was as impressively muscular as his front. She gripped the sheet tightly between her fingers, already aching to touch his skin again. He had been hot everywhere. Hard, yet soft. Such an apt description for both the body and mind of this man. She made sure to avert her gaze once Alec returned with a pitcher of water and soft pieces of damp linen. He sat down beside her and began to gently wipe her stomach and thighs with such care that her heart began to race once more, but when he pressed between her legs she inhaled sharply. Alec immediately stilled.
“Sorry,” she mumbled sheepishly. “I—I didn’t expect the soreness.”
He stared at her with that unfathomable expression once again. “No,” he finally said as he looked away. “I’m the one who should be sorry.”
