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No questions asked, and no answers given.
Ever.
Rafe sighed. “Forgive me. This has been a trying morning for you, I’m sure. And I don’t mean to belittle whatever this…thisbusinessyou have with him is, but Alec’s work for the Crown is vital. He can’t walk away. Not now.”
Doubt suddenly gripped her in the face of Rafe’s certitude.
She had thought—hadhoped—that last night would change everything. But people didn’t change their minds after one evening, especially someone like Alec.
If he were interested in any kind of future with you, then you could have stayed in Tuscany.
Or he would have written over the years. Or said goodbye.
Or never have left in the first place.
But he had done all those things. And hadn’t once expressed anything close to remorse these last few days.
Lottie looked back at Rafe. His eyes had never left her. “How long have you known him?”
“We met during his training.” His lips curved at the memory. “Our backgrounds are both…irregular, so Alec was assigned to me. I’ve never met anyone with such a loathing for the work along with a preternatural talent for it. But I suppose that’s unavoidable when one grows up with a man like your uncle.”
A cold pit began to form in her stomach. “I thought he wanted to serve.”
Rafe let out a bark of laughter. “Alec? God, no. That was Sir Alfred’s doing, though I can’t imagine how he convinced him. But then Alec’s always tried to please that man, even when it nearly got him killed.”
“Killed?”
Rafe ignored her shock. “I can give you a few more hours together, but when he wakes, tell him to meet me at ten. He’ll know where. By then I should have the information he requested.”
Lottie gave a dazed nod, but she was still reeling from his revelation. Why on earth had Alec neversaidanything?
“Perhaps you could convince him to give up this place before you go. I swear it’s slowly sucking the life from him. He’s altogether too much stuck in the past,” he added, his double meaning clear.
Lottie swallowed past the lump in her throat and met his eyes. “But I am here.Now.” Her voice trembled with urgency.
“So you are.” Rafe stood and straightened his collar. Then he paused and gave her a decidedly pointed look. “But don’t make this harder for him than it needs to be. Or yourself, for that matter.”
When she was alone once again, Lottie rose on unsteady legs and walked toward the other bedroom. Her mind was blank as she retrieved her dressing gown from her trunk. She then performed her ablutions as if in a trance, barely registering the splash of water against her face or the taste of her tooth powder. It wasn’t until she passed by the dressing table’s mirror and caught a glimpse of her haunted reflection that she came to her senses.
She halted before the elegant table and ran a finger along the smooth edge. Then she sat down heavily on the chair and buried her face in her hands as the weight of so many uncovered secrets bore down on her. Both pain and anger warred within her. Uncle Alfred’s meddling went far deeper than she had ever suspected. It wasn’t exactly a shock to learn that he had lied to her about Alec, but to know that he had continued to maintain the illusion for all these years, even when faced with her deep pain and loneliness, was chilling. But it was the threat to Alec’s very life, as well as his own deceptive behavior, that she was still grappling with when she felt a soft touch on her shoulder.
She sat up with a start and met Alec’s gaze in the mirror. He let out a sigh of relief. “When I woke and you weren’t beside me, I grew worried.”
The tight ball of anger in her chest loosened at his obvious distress. “I couldn’t sleep.” Her eyes then fell on the sight of his hand still resting on her shoulder. Alec took notice and quickly pulled it away, giving his head a shake.
“Right. Well.” He cleared his throat.
She turned around to face him. In his haste to find her, he had put on a pair of rumpled trousers but hadn’t managed a shirt. Lottie’s eyes roamed over his bare chest, taking in the finer details that had been hidden in the shadows the night before. Though his muscular chest was reminiscent of a Roman statue, it was dusted with coarse, dark hair. A little shiver went through her as she recalled the delicious feel of it against her skin. Then she noticed a scar about an inch long near his collarbone. It was the same place he rubbed whenever he thought no one was looking.
The things I do are never for pleasure. They serve another purpose entirely.
“We need to talk. About last night,” Alec said, commanding her full attention. “And why you let me take your virginity.”
Lottie blushed at his frank words. “I thought the answer would be obvious.”
Alec narrowed his eyes. “Was it merely insurance in case Sir Alfred forces you to marry?”
Lottie couldn’t even muster her anger at the insinuation. Of course he would think her motivations were so duplicitous. He had spent so long surrounded by lies. Living to deceive. But there was another way to be. Another path they could take. And she would show him what acceptance felt like. She stood. “No. That was the last thing on my mind. I thought only of you.”
