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The anger I hadn't felt that day raged through me as everything connected. They were both liars and had been playing this game behind my back for years. I was tired of being their toy to toss around. Simon might want me, but he clearly wanted Slade too. But like a train wreck, I couldn't take my gaze off them, and I kept watching them. With each gentle touch Slade placed over Simon’s body, each sigh that fell from his lips, I felt a tear slip-free.
"Wecan't. I'm with Lennox."
"Won't you miss this, though?" Slade began to nibble on Simon's neck, and I stayed there taking it, feeling owed this torment. I should've told Simon about my night with Slade.
"Of course, but I'm not single anymore. I can't lie to her when I’m with her."
"Then one last time. You can give me that."
I watched as Simon caved, Slade pulling his mouth closer. Their kiss was aggressive and hot. I didn't want to like it, but I did. So, I stood there watching as my heart broke. When clothes started to be removed, I couldn't take it anymore. Shoving the door open, it slammed against the wall, ricocheting back toward me. I stopped it with my hand, the slap ringing out and sending sharp tingles through me. It gave me the dissociation I needed from the heartbreak to focus on. As I stood in the opening, my breath came quick as I watched them scramble back from the noise, looks of shock on their faces.
"Well, aren’t you two precious? Looks like you’ve been keeping secrets from me. How about I make it really easy for you both? I'm done, and I'm moving out. There. Now, neither of you have to worry about me or try to figure out how to ‘deal’ with me. Stay the H-E-double hockey sticks away from me."
Turning, I ran to my desk and grabbed my purse out of the drawer. I had a few precious moments as they scrambled to put on clothes. I shoved my phone in my pocket and grabbed a few odds and ends laying around. I was already slipping out the door when I heard the first footsteps fall behind me. I jumped into my car and, miracles of all miracles, managed to take off without stalling before either of them had even exited the building. It could be due to the locks I clicked, or the bench I moved in front of the door in my mad scramble, but who was really to say. I watched in my rearview as they managed to get out, but they were dust in my rearview by then.
Fifteen minutes later, I pulled up to a red brick one-story house, confident they'd never look here. A few motorcycles sat out front, but besides them, you'd never expect a motorcycle gang member to live inside.
At least he said he was in a gang, but knowing Bubba, he just told me that to scare or impress me depending on the day. Knocking on the door, I wasn't shocked when it took him a while to answer it. It was early, and he was a notorious late sleeper. He was wearing clothes this time at least, so that was a bonus. I’d seen a little too much of his gingersnap when I’d shown up before, unannounced.
"Sugga? What are you doing here?"
He opened the screen door wider, and the tears I’d managed to hold back started to fall, and my lip trembled. For Pete’s sake! I was sick of crying
"They've been lying to me and want to be with each other."
Or that was at least what I attempted to say. Instead, it came out more like a garbled mess of "EHhendnukdnfaeuahuha," through my tears. Bubba pulled me into his arms and shut the door. Once my tears dried, I texted my mom where I was, and then I shut off my phone, not wanting Simon to get desperate and try to use the ‘find my friend’ feature.
Bubba made me some breakfast and let me cry on his shoulder all day while we watched classic romance movies together. When he left to go to work, he promised not to tell them where I was, although I wouldn't put it past him to cave. So, I discreetly turned my phone back on and used the ‘find my friend’ function myself. Thankfully, Simon wasn't at home. I ignored where it showed him, not wanting to wallow in anymore grief today.
Quickly, I made my way to the apartment and picked up a few things, throwing them into a duffle bag. It was time I got out of dodge. Pulling out of the complex, the thought I tried to ignore surfaced.Simon was at Slade’s.
My heart was crushed. My job and friendship were gone. There was only one place a brokenhearted soul like me belonged.
Nashville.
Ready or not, here I come.
Starry Nox,
I’m so ready to be done with school. I don’t even know what I want to do with my life, just to be out there living it. Maybe I will travel, see the world? I don’t care as long as it’s away from here. My brother and I are officially not speaking. He’d been keeping something big from me. And let's just say, when I found out, I was furious. He violated the sanctity of brothers, and I don’t know if I can trust him ever again.
Maybe it’s that I’ve been sharing everything my whole life, and this one thing I didn’t want to share. Perhaps that makes me a bad brother, but he’s had everything come so easy to him, and I finally start to do well in one area, and he has to take it? Be glad your brother is younger, he can’t hurt you like mine did.
If we were to meet in real life, what would we do? I often wonder about this. I’ll see something cool and think, ‘oh, I wish Nox could see this’. Or hear a funny joke, a song, or draw a new picture and I find myself wishing I could share it with you. Does that make me a creep?
I hung your picture up and now, I stare at it every night. I think of us sharing a night sky, and what that would be like. It’s my favorite part of the day. I like that word too. Nocturne. It kind of reminds me of you, my Noxturne.
Maybe we can write things we’d do together, so it feels like we are. These could be in addition to our three questions or in place of one. I’ll go first.
This week I wish I could show you this new store that opened. Arizona is weird, but this place is cool. It’s a living art exhibit and anyone can go in and paint, draw, sculpt, spray paint, whatever they want on the walls. It’s collaborative and each person adds on to the next person. I drew half a heart with wings and fire and stars, thinking about how you could draw the second half. They’d be different but connected. I like thinking that there would be a symbol joining us together even if we never meet.
If you had three wishes, what would your first one be? I’d wish for the impossible, for my mother to still be alive. It was hard enough her and dad divorcing, it was even worse when she died 2 years later. I often wonder if I hadn’t said anything about her cheating if she would've lived longer. I don’t know what I’d do with the other two.
What’s something you wish you knew how to do? So, I don’t know how to ride a bike. I kind of wish I knew how.
On winged hearts, I’ll meet you under the stars, a song in my heart only you can hear.
Your Blaze
