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“Fucking slut, fine. She’s not that hot anyway. Too fat for my taste, they’re just usually the easiest to bag.”
“You’re disgusting. I’d leave before I use your skull to paint the hallway, buddy.”
The guy scoffed, dropping me, and I fell to the floor, my head hitting the wall as I went down. Blinking, the man in front of me came into focus, his blue eyes feeling safe and familiar, a warm feeling spreading through me.
“Hey, gorgeous. Are you okay?”
“I dunno. He wasn’t very nice. I can’t feel my legs.”
“Okay, just wait here, and I’ll grab some water, okay.”
Nodding, I hit my head against the wall again. “Ow.”
He chuckled as he got up. “Be careful, gorgeous. Don’t hurt yourself.”
“Do I know you?” slipped from my tongue before everything spun around me, the music too loud and the lights too bright. When a shadow appeared over me, I felt relief as the lights dimmed. When a hand smacked my cheek to rouse me, I blinked open my eyes, expecting to find the kind stranger. Instead, it was my tattooed angel, come to save me again. Looking at him full-on, my breath caught, his dark eyes intense.
“Tattoo Man. Ow, that hurt. You’re not so nice right now, but you’re really hot. Are you here to save me again?”
My eyes started to close again, whatever I’d drunk affected me fully now, and the world kept going black. I felt a slap again, and my eyes popped open. He’d bent down, eye to eye now as he stared intently at me, an emotion I didn’t understand on his face, too drunk to try.
“Starry Nox?”
I raised an eyebrow, or attempted to, at his question, the movement unnatural as my faculties had left me. I went to ask a question, but instead, when I opened my mouth, vomit spewed all over me. I watched in horror as his face turned up, disgust written there. He let me go just as the stranger came out, giving him a strange look.
I fell to the ground as they talked, words exchanged over my head I couldn’t make out, and I barely remembered muttering, “jerk,” before passing out.
When I woke up next, it was to the sounds of sirens wailing, a clicking sound in the background, and screams. Someone was jolting me, trying to get my attention, and I realized I was hanging upside down.
Blinking, I came to find myself hanging from my seat belt, Duncan under me, begging me to wake up. I reached up a hand to cup his cheek, and I saw the relief in his eyes at my gesture. The movement hurt though, liquid running down my face, altering my ability to see him fully. I blinked, attempting to clear my view as he cut something away, and then my body free fell into his arms. Cradling me, he pulled me out of what I now realized was wreckage. The world spun, the colors not making sense, and a constant ringing sound in my ears, as I tried to come round to stay present.
More wetness dripped down my face, obscuring my eyes completely, and my arms and legs hurt. It was challenging to breathe as well. The air became clearer as Duncan moved me, though the jostling hurt with each step. When he cleared the car, I didn’t remember being in, he kissed me, not caring about the blood. Tears streamed down his face as he spoke to me, but I couldn’t make out his words as he handed me off to the paramedic.
I reached my hand out, wanting to bring him with me, needing him by my side. I watched his lips move again, but I still couldn’t make out any sound, the ringing overwhelming me, a rushing of blood to my head. Everything happened so quickly after that.
Duncan never took his eyes off me, speaking to me even though I didn’t know what he said. He walked backward, blowing me a kiss, not paying attention to where he was when a car jumped the barricade. I tried to scream, to shout, but nothing was moving or working, no sound leaving my mouth, just silence.
I watched in horror as he blew me one last kiss, not realizing the danger ahead. He turned to do whatever he’d been going to do when the car struck him, his body flying up in the air before landing in an odd position on the road. It all played out in slow motion, and I was powerless to stop it.
Hands shoved me down before something was injected into me, my eyes closing as my tears slipped free, and a prayer that it had all been a horrible dream.
* * *
Waking the following morning,I knew my wish hadn’t come true. This nightmare was all too real, the pain in my body proving it. My mother’s sniffles were the first sound I heard, the beeping of the monitor the next. I tried to lift my arm, but the cast on it stopped me, noticing the one on my leg next. When I opened my eyes, I found my mother and Simon close to my bed, holding my hands. I didn’t care anymore about the stupid fight I had with him, the reason not seeming as important anymore. I wanted comfort from my best friend, to believe what I’d witness wasn’t real.
When they both took me into their arms, we cried together, and I knew I couldn’t deny it any longer.
Duncan was gone.
When Dr. Barnes came by later to tell me about my injuries and the care I’d need, he’d crushed my heart a little more when he told me they’d found traces of GHB in my system and would need to do a rape kit to make sure I hadn’t been assaulted as well. He told me to expect some memory loss, that my recollection of the events would be fuzzy due to the level of alcohol and drugs in my system.
He was right on one part. I could barely remember anything after calling my dad, the drinks, and things I’d done in that time span, a black hole. The one thing I wished would fade away, was the vivid memory of Duncan blowing me a kiss before…
Shutting my eyes closed, I decided to push this all away too, to go back to a time when none of this pain existed. If I pretended it didn’t hurt, then I could go on living.
Who needed love when your heart was already battered and beaten? Not me. I’d stay home, work a job, and be there for my family. Every time I tried to be happy and in love, disaster struck. It would be better to pretend this never happened instead of focusing on the hurt and grief. I wouldn’t survive it. Losing Blaze was hard enough, losing Duncan was too much. I wasn’t strong enough to face them both.
Resolute in my decision. I put on a smile and focused on getting out of here, hiding my grief away until it disappeared.
