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A finger poked my cheek,and I reached out to push it away. “No.” The words came out mumbled, but I was exhausted and not ready to deal with Darren’s crap today. “I’m calling in sick from torture today.”
“What’s torture, Aunt Cami?" a small voice asked. Blinking, I opened my eyes to see familiar blue ones staring back at me.
“Lily?” She nodded, putting her head between her hands as she watched me. “Are you awake now? I’ve wanted to play with you, but mom said I had to let you sleep. Except,” she scrunched up her nose, looking at me, “you kind of stink. No offense.”
Sitting up, I tossed the covers back, taking in the brightly colored quilt. “It wasn’t a dream. Why do I feel like Dorothy seeing the Emerald City for the first time?” I whispered. I looked down at my hand, noticing my missing finger and my shoulders slumped. “Okay, so some of it wasn’t a dream.”
“You’re being weird, Aunt Cami. Should I go get Mommy?”
Nodding, I moved off the bed, stopping when I realized an IV stand stood next to it, a line trailing to my own arm. Well, that explained why I didn’t feel as awful as I had. Moving slowly, I found a bathroom attached to the bedroom I was in and quickly used it. Washing my hands, I looked myself over in the mirror.
“Yikes. I do look horrible.” Lifting my arm, I sniffed, wrinkling my own nose. “And smell.”
“Yeah, I wanted to keep you in the bin, but Beau wouldn’t let me,” Nat said from the doorway. Turning to her, I took her in. She leaned against it casually, but I could tell she’d been worried, and there was still something she was carrying on her shoulders.
“I’ll have to thank him next time I see him. Though, if there are clean clothes, I’ll love you forever.”
She rolled her eyes. “Of course, there are clean clothes, and you already owe me free drinks from here until eternity, but I guess your love will do too.”
“Oh, you, come here. I’m not as spry as I used to be.” I lifted my arm, motioning for a hug. But Nat looked at me like I’d grown another head.
“Um, maybe after your shower. You really do reek.”
“Ugh, fine.” Laughing, I looked down. “Though, I don’t know how to get this out. I don’t really want to survive a month of torture to die by electric shock.”
“Drama queen,” Nat muttered before moving off the door toward me. “I’m starting to wish I just left you there.” She capped off something and pulled another, and I watched her in amazement.
“No, you don’t,” I teased. “But I’m seriously impressed. Did you go to medical school while I was gone?”
“Nah. I learned it from Grey’s Anatomy.”
“Ha. Seriously though, I know you won’t hug me yet, but thank you.”
“Hey, you’re my sister. There was no way I was letting that asshole keep you. I was just surprised Lark and Seb hadn’t been banging on my door to find you. Something going on there?”
I raised a shoulder, sadness washing over me. “Can we talk about it after I’m clean? Now that you’ve commented on my filth, I’m aware of it myself, and I feel gross.”
“Yeah, babe. Holler if you need help.” She took a big breath before leaning close to kiss my cheek, blowing it out once she was clear.
“Hey! That’s rude.”
Nat winked, closing the door, and I found myself alone. It wasn’t an uncommon state of being after the past month, but this felt different.
I was safe.
Turning on the water, I climbed into the shower, twisting the knob to hot. As the water washed over me, I scrubbed every inch of my body until my skin was raw and washed my hair three times. I really needed to shave, but my body was already feeling the fatigue from standing up as long as I had. Sinking down on the floor of the shower, I let myself cry.
I cried for the pain I’d buried.
I cried for the hurt and worry I’d caused.
I cried for the relief of it being over.
And I cried for the part of me that had hoped, that had been so close to giving up but had held on. I cried for the belief in something greater, pushing me not to.
I cried and cried and cried, my tears washing away with the dirt. And when I emerged later, I felt lighter and cleaner than I had in years.
I knew recovery wouldn’t be easy, but I had faith in myself and the ones around me to not give up. This was my chance to have a do-over, and it started with Lark and Seb.
