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“Of course, Harlow. Anything for you,” he said, with a shocked expression as he laid his arm around my shoulder.
I walked us over to the sofa and sighed as I sat down, pulling his hands into mine and angling our knees closer. We had shared so many memories on this sofa, this was the right place to have this talk.
“I’ve got a job, Johnny,” I said, keeping my eyes down and focused on my nervously bouncing feet as he squeezed my hand.
“That’s good, isn’t it?” he questioned lowering his head whilst cocking his brow.
“It’s not local, Johnny. I’m moving away. I’m really sorry, but I feel you and Elijah need your own lives away from the babysitting duties and I need some space to breathe. Johnny, you have always been here for me even when I’ve pushed you to the limits and caused you hell.
“This place…” I said waving my arms around me. “It has so much meaning to me, but I still see them everywhere I look. I can’t forget, Johnny and I’m struggling to control my emotions.” Tears gathered behind my lids, on the brink of falling.
“I love you, but I need to grieve properly and nothing I do helps. The chance of a new start could be what I need to finally move forward rather than being stuck in this constant tornado I can’t escape.” Johnny’s ashen face dropped down towards the ground as he gave small barely visible nods.
“I leave in the morning,” I said, needing to break the final barrier between us.
Johnny immediately stood up and started pacing the length of the room.
“Why?” he asked, the confusion in his voice thick and wary. “I… I can change if it’s something I’ve done. If it’s Elijah, tell me.”
“No, it’s nothing you’ve done. Like I said, Johnny. I always wanted to stand tall and prove who I am. You have helped me become the person I am today and now I need to find the rest of me,” I concluded. I pulled him towards me for a hug, allowing his tears to soak through onto my shoulder. My gut churned with the guilt eating me up inside, but I knew I couldn’t show it. I couldn’t reveal how in some ways, being away from Elijah was also a positive in the equation. If I did, then come next week, I’d still be sat in my bedroom, no closer to taking those steps I required to move forward. This had to be done. I couldn’t be the person who had lost him the most important years of his life.His youth wasted on continuously watching me. I wouldn’t let it happen.
Gone was the baby girl and here stood the new, strong-willed, determined me. I had taken decisions into my own hands and secured an in-house waitress position.Escapewas the name of the place and it really felt like a home away from home. It was a hundred miles away from the guys, and out of reach of being stumbled upon. I had scurried the pennies away, but it was pitiful for what I knew about living arrangements. I hadn’t enough to settle down and afford those basic costs, so I was grateful for having fallen on my feet.
I was glad I had left by the time Johnny had that conversation with Elijah. He’d been so frustrated I’d slipped out without letting him know, by the text message he had left on my phone. I knew the pair of them would’ve made the situation much harder if I had waited for a huge goodbye, though. The timing had been a crucial factor for me making sure everything fell neatly into place.
I felt like I could finally put the world to rights with each choice being in my own hands. It didn’t stop the constant calls from Johnny and Elijah wanting me to visit or come back home, but I refused.
So many memories were held in that house, and I had finally permitted myself the opportunity to move on. I knew that the moment I stepped back through those doors, panic would have rushed back and overwhelmed me. Life would’ve returned straight back to step one and none of us would be better off.
Guilt shouldn’t have stopped me in my tracks when I finally realised I was able to move on with my life. I was in charge of each day, the controller of my own destiny, even though sometimes it hurt to have dealt with having walked away. I learnt it was how you dealt with the manifested pain that mattered. It hadn’t worried me the length of time it took to stand back on my feet, as long as I eventually found my path.
“Hey, I’m Harlow,” I announced to the girl behind the counter when I arrived.
With her hair pulled back into a sleek high ponytail and her minimal make-up, she was effortlessly beautiful.
I allowed her to finish serving the next customer as she gave a pout and flicked her eyelashes, securing an extra note being thrown into the tip jar.
“Sorry I was caught up. I’m Elle,” she said coming around the side of the counter and hugging me, freezing me directly to the spot. “Oops, we’re all pretty hands on.” She giggled. “Shelley said you were coming and to show you the ropes.”
“Brilliant!” I said flashing a wide grin at her. “Where can I put this?” I pointed to my case and shrugged my shoulders.
“Oh, leave it in the office for now. Second door on the right,” she stated. “Harlow?” she shouted as I turned back around, throwing an apron at me that I caught effortlessly. “Be quick. The evening rush is due.”
I learnt so much from Elle. We became as thick as thieves. Tricks of the trade were soon memorised, and the one tip was her classic move. Make the guys look and earn double the amount. It helped but not enough to afford the larger costs required around the area to have our own accommodation, even if we’d house-shared. So instead, I buried it away, keeping it for a rainy day. At least it would build up, right?
That was until Shelley, my manager, needed to talk to me and threw a spanner in the works.
I had worked there for two years, had a place to live and worked endless shifts whenever required to prove my worth to her.
“Harlow, have you got a minute?” Shelley called as the afternoon rush calmed down. I pulled off my apron and threw it across the room to Elle who caught it one handed.
“Be back soon. Come grab me if you get a mad rush!” I shouted as I headed out the back towards Shelley’s office.
“Will do,” Elle said as I saw her rally around past the counter, gathering left over plates that had been finished with.
“Shelley, it’s me,” I said as I knocked on the door.
“Harlow grab a seat, will you,” she replied sullenly as she leant backwards into her own seat.
