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“Exactly,” he asked. “I just don't want to cause any issues.”
“Issues? Tye, the other day you said you wanted more…” I shouted down the line and my voice raised an octave. “I have always been truthful from the start. I told you I couldn't commit. “
“I know… I was greedy. I still am… but...”
“But nothing, Tye. I told you I don't want more. I told you, but you…” I rambled out. “I won’t be talking to Dawson about anything, unless it’s a work-related discussion; we have a working relationship only. He's my boss just like you are.”
“Yes and look where that got us…” he replied with a chuckle.
“Fuck you, Tye. I don't care… you don't know what he did. He… He… It doesn't matter,” I shouted at him, my hands shaking with anger as I clenched my teeth tightly. “I’ve just told you I won’t be telling him anything, so let’s leave it at that...”
I threw the cell down and screamed into the room in an attempt to let the frustration out. I hoped that everyone else in the building had either not got home from work yet or was too preoccupied to bother with my outburst through the paper-thin walls that linked us all together like sardines. I wasn't in the mood for another busy body trying to play the hero or my ever-shortened fuse would explode before them.
Fresh air and time, that's what I needed. I put my cell on silent and threw it in the bag I’d just grabbed, leaving the claustrophobic feeling locked in the building as I sought out a desperate reprieve. When I returned, I hoped all my problems currently in my head would have disintegrated to nothing and all that was left was normality, But I knew that was like wishing for a genie in a lamp.I didn’t know how I could rectify everything without someone being hurt in the process. That person most likely to be me.
This wasn't going to disappear, it had to be dealt with. I didn't want to admit that would mean spending time in Dawson's company, discussing what happened between us even though I had played out hundreds of scenarios since that fateful day. What if the darkest deepest ones were the truth? That my nightmares became reality? It was a constant whirlwind of what would be for the best, continue to hide away and let the demons slowly destroy me or hope that by unlocking the path, it showed the light. That finally I could move forward.
Central Park was my place of solace, it allowed time for just me and my thoughts, time to people watch and forget my worries. This was my go-to place to sort things out in my head. I’d given up all the other places I’d spent time with Dawson except this one, this place was mine to chill out in and nothing could ever stop me coming here.
I took a seat on an ornate metal bench situated near to the Gapstow Bridge, my favorite view overlooking the landscape, the beautiful grass, the flowing trickle of the water and just watched the sights go past. Dog walkers, to cyclists and arms wrapped around a significant other, my heart swelled at the story each person could tell that spent time here. I turned to the left and my heart hammered in my chest when I saw the man in the woolen coat walking towards me.
“Dawson,” I said, shocked at the fact I even reached out, acknowledging him. Why?I could've just let him continue to waltz past without a care in the world.
“Everleigh…” he said, stunned. “I didn't expect to…see you here.”
“Me either.” I gazed up into his eyes at the emotion written within them. The weight of the world seemed to be placed behind them as he fought for the chance to explain.
Just like that my barricaded heart fought my mind. I knew that deep down; peace would never come until the demons were laid to rest. I had to know what made him break my heart without warning. One moment we were so in love, talking of our lives together, then in the blink of an eye he simply walked away from me and ended us. Dawson gave me no reason why. I blamed myself for a long time. I thought it was my fault and that I’d done something wrong, but clearly it wasn’t me. Eventually, I concluded that I just wasn’t worth the fight, and he just didn’t love me enough to stay. One thing though was true, that spark hadn't left either of us and out of everything, that's what scared me the most. A broken heart can only be fixed so many times before the pieces crumble to nothing.
I shuffled up and shouted to Dawson before my confidence left. “Don't go… do you want to sit with me?”
“You sure?” he hesitantly asked, slowly walking his broad frame towards me.
“Yes…” I nodded, unable to speak as my mouth dried up to nothing.
“I didn't know… I didn't know that you worked for the company,” he said, looking straight ahead, not daring to catch my eye.
“I guessed that…” I replied softly. I knew it wasn't malice or a planned attack from the reaction when we caught each other's eyes in the boardroom, but still it had knocked me flying.
“I didn't mean to interrupt you… I didn't think you would still come here…” he replied as he swallowed back harshly, and a wobble appeared to his lips.
“I never stopped coming here…” I admitted. “I tried, but some things travel so deep inside your soul, you can't break the tether.” I sighed as I noticed Dawson shuffle his legs inwards and look directly at me.
“What brought you here today… Everleigh?” he asked as his stare dug deeper into me, making a shiver travel down my spine. “Look at me, I won't bite… unless you want me to.”
A small smile graced each of our faces as I felt the familiar tug on the edge of my mouth. I lifted my head and tried to stop the gasp escaping. I noticed teardrops slowly rolling down his cheeks and the pain echoed through every muscle on his face. He wasn’t the same man from earlier in the boardroom, where he showed a stoic strength of the successful businessman he clearly was. Right now, he was showing me a vulnerability he’d never allowed me a glimpse of before. He looked a shell of a man; a man in turmoil who didn’t care where we were or who could see him.
Dawson was finally showing me the real him. The good side and the ugly. A watcher’s paradise: we were proof of that currently, but others seeing what I saw pulled on my heart strings just slightly. How had my presence caused this pain when it was him that ran out on me? He made that decision not me, but I knew if I was looking in as an outsider, it wouldn't look that way. It would look as if I was the one who had torn his heart out and shattered it to pieces.
Dawson may be the strength behind the business suit but, stood here in his lounge wear, he was just plain and simple. An everyday man; not the CEO of the ‘RP’ group. It felt so natural to be beside him, the pair of us together again after all this time. If you’d said to me that I’d be sat here three years later, I’d have told you that you were delusional. The combination of being in a place we had frequented together, him wearing the same woolen coat he’d often had on when we had been in each other’s company evoked the memories to come flooding straight back. This was a new side of Dawson that I’d love to know more about.
I knew one thing though. I needed to know why he did it, why he abandoned me when I thought life was perfect instead of leaving me feeling like I wasn’t loveable.
It was time to clear the air before things spiraled too far out of control.
9
Dawson
