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Paul hadn’t been someone that naturally had been brought up in the topic of conversation over the years. Finn and I had fallen in love with the water and deep down, fallen in love with the idea of being lifeguards from that day. We thought we’d saved a child and a family from loss. Our connection had grown as a result, and we’d become a unit that was inseparable—even more so than back then. We were family. There was no other word for it. We shared highs and lows like no one else. Finn’s younger brother Miles even joined the team, and we joked about being born for the waves. I knew different, though. I knew I just wanted to protect and never feel that helpless, soul-destroying feeling that had coursed through me that day again—until now.
“Don’t you meanis?” Finn questioned. “Wouldn’t that be fate lining up or some shit like that?”
“I don’t think Hudson meant it like that.” My dad’s tone dropped as I saw the quick flicker of his gaze meet mine and the drop of his face. My dad had always been able to read me so well. We were so alike. “Paul didn’t make it, did he, Hudson?”
I shook my head from left to right as I struggled to find the words as I squeezed my fists tightly together.
“I was trying tohelpSummer with her fears of the ocean…” I gulped hard, knowing that every moment I spent with her was going to have to be banked as a distant memory. She’d hate me. I was certain of it. “I wanted her to see it how we all did.” I looked at Finn and my dad as they both nodded. “Like the beauty I see mirrored in her.”
“Oh, son.” Dad tried to hug me, but I pushed him away. “Talk to her and let her know what happened and why you ran away.”
“How can I? Summer will hate everything about me…” I screamed, pushing myself to stand as I pointed to the pair of them as my finger wobbled in anger. “I should’ve noticed faster he was missing. I should’ve swum quicker to Paul. I should’ve saved him and used my strength. Maybe then I would deserve to be happy with Summer. Instead, fate threw me a taste of the woman of my dreams and ripped her and my heart away in the process.”
I ran. I rounded the corner up the stairs and slammed my bedroom door.
“H… wait,” Finn demanded, but I didn’t care.
“Son, let’s take a minute.”
I couldn’t, though. I wasn’t hanging around to listen to their bullshit and words to try and get me to understand that I was just a child. I wasn’t. In my eyes, I’d saved a child and now my beliefs had all been smashed. I couldn’t even bear to see the sympathy that radiated between the pair of them downstairs. Why weren’t they hurting over his loss like I was? I wasn’t the only one present that day. They’d lived through that moment with me, but it felt as if I was overreacting to the situation. But in my heart, I knew that was complete stupidity. It was because of the connection to Summer. I’d fallen for her, hard, and my world had connected with her like no other person before. I loved her and the irony was this was the worst time to have that epiphany, as I knew I’d lost her.
I knew from the moment I saw her, my body sought solace in her. Who takes one look at a woman and loses all control of his senses? Me, that’s who, but at least I now knew why I had. My past and hers had combusted together.
I just knew that life as I knew it would never be the same again. Summer had faced her fears, but I was a coward and didn’t know how to ever come back from this. All I knew was I didn’t want to be here any longer.
CHAPTERELEVEN
SUMMER
“Summer… there’s someone here to see you?” Mom shouted up the stairs softly, trying to coax me down. “You’ve been up there three days now. I’ll send them up if you don’t come down.”
I heard the sternness appear after each word, and I knew her temper was waning. Mom didn’t lose control. She’d only done that once before and that had quickly morphed to grief and turmoil when we lost Paul. I’d never seen such a rapid change of emotions in someone before—scrap that I had—Hudson.
Jess and Amelia’s concern grew when my silence didn’t waver at all. Instead, when the time passed by, and I hadn’t moved a muscle in over two hours, they decided the only option they had was to bring me home and explain what they knew had happened. Mom had been concerned, but still I continued my solemn vow of silence. I didn’t want to talk because I knew the moment I opened my mouth, the wretched sob that would escape would be as painful as the one I’d shared for the loss of Paul.
There was one difference: I knew what happened to him. I don’t know what had caused Hudson to run away from me like I’d morphed into his darkness and fear itself. Maybe I had. Maybe he realized what he had with me was the biggest mistake in his life and I was just a trophy he’d gained in the process, thinking he’d fixed me.
I got myself off the bed and headed to the door, in hope that if I peeped my head at the top of the staircase and gave my Mom one look, she’d realize I certainly wasn’t up to seeing any visitors by the loungewear I wore or the high messy ponytail on the side of my head. I’d do anything just to be left alone.
I didn’t expect to see his best friend, Finn, with his arms crossed. He froze when he spotted me as he strode up the stairs to my room.
“She did warn you,” he mumbled at me as he continued his steps toward me and I backed into the doorframe, hitting the edge of my shoulder, letting out a wince as I rubbed it better. “Summer, you know I’m here to just talk.” Finn held up his hands as I gave a small nod while letting out an even smaller sigh. “I’d never let anything happen to you. You’re H’s girl.”
“Am I?” I felt the two small words scratch away from my throat like splinters breaking my vow of silence as the tears trickled down my cheeks and I struggled to stop them. “I don’t know about that. He left me Finn. He ran away when I needed him.”
“Come on.” Finn wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me over to the window seat, gathering up the pile of romance novels sitting on the one side and smirking before he placed them down. “You know you should take a leaf out of one of these books…”
“Well, don’t they have a happily ever after to them?” He picked up the top one and pointed to the bare-chested male on the front with rock hard abs and ran his hand down his front. “I can see a resemblance.”
“Give over. Hudson has better abs than you.” I sniggered as I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I watched Finn place the book back down and pat the window seat for me to join him.
“You compared us,” Finn mocked, holding his hand over his heart while he held his other hand to his brow. “How will I ever live it down?”
“You’ll cope. I’m sure Hudson would love bragging rights one day when I’m long gone,” I uttered, dropping my gaze to the ground, unable to meet Finn’s eye.
“Summer, look at me…” I lifted my head as Finn bellowed the words firmly. I’d never heard such strength before, but I didn’t want him to see the broken me. “Tell me one good reason you won’t stay for him.”
“Hudson deserves better than living in a fictional story where a happily ever after will cease to exist. All he’ll be doing is waiting for the next twist in the story to see how far it’ll knock him down before it becomes too much, and he drowns.” I snapped each word out as my irate tone became more prominent the angrier I became with the statement. “I hate that whatever happened finishes with me…”
