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"Juliet, baby, wake up." He shakes me, and the world suddenly comes back into focus. Working to slow my breathing, I twist until I've found my way back against Liam's chest.
"Tell me what you're hiding," he whispers, stroking my hair while tears continue to stream down my face.
"I can't," I sob out. "Just trust me, this won't end well for either of us."
"Haven't you learned yet that you're not going to get rid of me?"
"It's not you that I'm worried about disappearing," I say into the darkness.
We say nothing after that.
The hazy light filtering in from the only window in my room drags me from my dreams. After those first nightmares, I slept well last night, better than I had in recent memory.
Everything from the night before comes back when Liam tightens his hold across my waist and brings me closer to his body. I haven't woken up in the arms of a man in so long. I think of my time with Landon, Will, James, and Gabriel. I've had moments like this with all of them, and I know how this ends.
I've got to get rid of him.
I slowly work my way out of his arms, and pull myself off my mattress, cringing at the pain in my head from how much wine I drank the night before.
My apartment looks even dingier in the faint light of morning, and I'm embarrassed that Liam is going to see how terrible my living conditions are. I keep it clean, but there's only so much you can do when you live in squalor.
I make my way to the kitchen where I turn on the coffee maker. Hopefully the smell of coffee will wake him up and he can be on his way.
It must work, because twenty minutes later he walks in, his hair adorably sleep tousled. It had been late when he came over last night, and neither of us has had nearly enough sleep.
"Good morning," he says quietly. He approaches the kitchen like I'm going to run out if he makes any sudden movements.
"You're thinking too loud," he tells me, his voice still groggy with fatigue, as he picks up the mug of coffee that I've poured for him, and he takes a long sip. He grimaces at the strong taste, and I can't help but smile as I slide the creamer and sugar towards him.
In this moment, I imagine myself repeating a morning routine like this with him for the next fifty years. What if I didn't comb through one more cemetery looking for Gabriel? What if I just promised myself to Liam right now, for as long as I had left in this time? Watching him prepare his coffee just how he likes it, he looks as content as can be despite the fact that my little hovel is a far cry from his normal life. As much as I've tried to stop it, I have to admit that he's made me fall for him.
I know he could make me happy.
Then, I remind myself of the aftermath. Of what would happen when I disappeared suddenly. Of what it would feel like to find myself lost somewhere else in time, alone once again. I remind myself what it would do to me when I finally found his grave. I can't do it again. I won't.
I turn my head, trying to hide the fact that I'm gasping for breath as I try to stave off the panic that's threatening to overwhelm me.
I hear him set down his mug, and suddenly his hand reaches out and forces me to look at him.
"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" he asks.
"No," I say, shaking my head so hard that it makes my teeth rattle.
He takes my hand, and drags me back to my bedroom, sitting us both on my pitiful excuse for a bed.
"Juliet, I can't help you if you keep everything bottled up inside of you. Whatever it is you're not telling me, I can handle it."
I shiver and pull a blanket up around me. "You can't help me. No one can," I tell him sadly.
I don't know how to have this conversation, so the silence stretches on and stirs up the nervous energy coursing through my body.
"I'm afraid of how you've made me need you, and the terribleness of having to leave you."
He grabs my hand. "When have I given you the impression that I want you to leave? You don't need to go anywhere."
"You don't know me. If you did, this never would have happened." I gesture between us and my voice breaks. "I never had any intention of wanting more from you. If I truly thought myself capable of feeling this much, I wouldn't have agreed to even get into your limo that first night."
"Juliet, I don't understand what you're trying to say," he says, frustration evident in his tone. He leans closer to me, his eyes beseeching me for answers. "What is wrong?"
