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I quickly got dressed and opened the door, peeking my head out to see if anyone was in the hallway. I was relieved when it was clear even though the guards could return at any moment. James had explained how the guard shifts worked.
I tiptoed down the stone hallways, ducking into the alcoves whenever I heard someone coming. Somehow, I managed to find my way outside the palace gates.
The green of England lay all around me, and I took a deep breath, savoring the clear air after the stuffiness of the palace.
It was in that moment that I realized that I hadn’t thought once of my father. I had been so obsessed with James that I had forgotten everything else.
I really was a terrible person.
Despite the fact that I was desperate to find Isabelle, I made a quick decision that I would ride over to the family estate to see if he was in town.
I snuck over to the stable. While the stable boy was busy taking care of another horse, I led a small grey Palomino out the back gates. Hopefully the boy wouldn’t notice that it was missing for several hours.
Riding was a difficult experience for me. The last time that I had rode a horse had been with Gabriel. An ache settled deep into my chest as I thought of Gabriel and who he had become. Just another way that I was a scourge on all of their lives. A terrible reality pierces my conscience. Even if I could find a way back to all of them… could they find a way back to me?
Could I make them whole, and did I have the right to when I was the one that broke them in the first place?
* * *
I hurry the horse along.There was a strange stirring in my gut that urged me to go faster for some reason. I didn't know if it was eagerness to get back to the Palace, eagerness to see Isabelle, or guilt over not going to see my father in the first place. Either way it felt less like anticipation and more like dread.
Finally, I make it to the outskirts of our land. Everything looks similar to the last time that I was here. There are crops of corn and barley in the fields letting me know that my father is still dabbling in his farming obsession, despite the fact that he’s a merchant for a living.
The Manor house looked pristine, like it had been freshly painted recently. It is the first time that homesickness for this particular place hit me hard. I had always wanted to be back with my loves, but I had never particularly dreamed about being back at this place.
I let myself imagine what it would have been like if I had just been allowed to grow up in this life. I shook the thought aside after a moment.
Even with the fact that I had missed out on my life here, even with all the pain, the regret, the loneliness I had experienced over the course of my life. I would never have given up meeting them.
* * *
I get off the horse,feeling incredibly nervous all of a sudden. I was about to see my father for the first time in hundreds of years. What would he say? Would he be as angry as James that I had disappeared?
I walk to the door slowly and give it a sharp knock. I heard boots clicking from inside as someone walks.
The door opens.
A servant I had never seen before answered the door. "Can I help you, Madam?" she said politely, no semblance of recognition on her face.
“Is Master Caris in?" I ask. “I’m an old acquaintance of his"
She looked at me like she had never heard the name before. "Caris?" she asked quizzically.
"The master of this estate," I say somewhat impatiently.
Understanding seems to cross her features.
"Wait right here, Madam. I just need to get someone,” she said before practically running down the halls.
“Juliet?” came a familiar voice. I tried to hold in my sob as the speaker stepped into view.
It was one of my nannies. Someone that had been the mother that I never had.
"Shelley," I breath, trying to hold myself together. I hadn't thought about Shelley in ages. She looked older; I suppose six years older...
She smothers me with a hug so loving that I felt its warmth everywhere.
"Where have you been, my girl?" she says as she pulls back and looks me up and down critically. "You look like you haven’t aged a day,” she says to me. I had actually aged hundreds of years I thought wryly.
