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“Are you alright?” he asks worriedly, and I nod, even though I know that I’m not.
My nose starts bleeding then, and Carter lets go of my hand to run ahead to make sure the front desk is ready for me. As soon as I get there, a wheelchair is brought out for me and I’m wheeled to a room. It’s a clinical, white color, except for one pink pillow. For some reason, I fixate on that pillow, not paying attention to anything going on around me.
I change into a hospital gown, needing the help of Quaid to do it. I stare at my reflection in the mirror as he ties my gown. For a second, I close my eyes and let myself imagine that wildflower wedding again and Quaid’s hands on my back for a different reason.
A dizzy spell hits me as soon as I open my eyes though, and Quaid has to pick me up to walk me back in the room. I start giggling nonsensically because he’s carrying me over a threshold of sorts, just not one that I ever envisioned.
Or might ever get.
My giggling changes to tears as it often has these last few days. “I’m scared,” I admit to the three of them.
And they nod, because they’re scared too.
A nurse comes in to put the sensors on me. A steady beeping of the machine fills the room, permeating the heavy silence between us.
Another nurse comes in. “Ready to go?” she asks, all friendly like, as if she’s taking me to my massage instead of my most probable death.
I panic.
This is it.
I’ve run out of time.
“Don’t forget to read that letter,” I tell them urgently, not able to let go of Carter’s or Logan’s hands. “Don’t forget,” I beg again, but this time, I think they understand that I’m asking for them not to forget much more than reading that letter.
“See you soon,” Carter says firmly, a million other words in his gaze. Logan opens his mouth to say something else, and I shake my head.
“I’ll see you soon,” I tell all three of them, and they nod, even though tears are slipping down Quaid’s cheeks and Logan’s hands are trembling in my grip.
“See you soon,” Logan whispers as Quaid presses a kiss to my forehead.
“I’m ready,” I tell the nurse, and she nods and begins to wheel me away.
I keep them in my sights until we turn the corner. I stare up at the ceiling before squeezing my eyes closed as tears leak out of my eyes.
My nosebleed is worse now, and so is my headache.At least those will be over sooneither way, I tell myself.
All the doctors are waiting for me, including Dr. Channing. He musters a smile for me as they give me platitudes that seem false even as they cross their lips.
The anesthesia goes in, and I start to count backward. And with every number, I think of a different memory I’ve had with Carter, Quaid, and Logan.
It was one hell of a love story, I think to myself as I start to fade off.I’ll be seeing you soon, my loves.
And then I float into the darkness waiting for me, and it surprisingly isn’t as scary as I thought it would be.
Logan
A nurse comes in every hour on the dot to provide updates, but everything that comes out of her mouth is just one useless platitude after another.
The doctors working on Valentina are the best, sir.
We’ll know more soon.
Is there anything I can offer you in the meantime?
After a while, it becomes just white noise to me.
I knew that this procedure wouldn’t be quick, but as each second passes by, I can’t help but wonder if this is the one where I lose her for good.
