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“The hospital offered me a job after I finish my residency,” Will blurted out. He gulped down the rest of the wine in his glass to keep from blurting out anything else in his sudden panic. He could feel Charlie stiffen under him.
“That’s awesome! Congrats!” Charlie said. His tone sounded genuine, but there was something underlying that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Wariness? Regret? Fear?
No, it was fine. He was just reading his own nerves into it.
“Are you going to accept? I didn’t know you were thinking of staying here.”
Honesty. Honesty. Honesty. Will mentally repeated the word to himself as he sat up and placed his empty glass on the table. Holding on to his smile, he turned to face Charlie on the sofa, bringing up one bent knee to rest on the cushion between them.
“I’m not sure anymore,” he started slowly. He rested his left elbow on the back cushion inches from Charlie’s hand and threaded his fingers through his hair, pushing it from his eyes. “I wasn’t, originally. This was getting the chance to study under Dr. Gauvin and expand my skills in a new city.” Will paused and flashed a wide grin at Charlie. “But living in Paris has been more enjoyable than I was expecting. I don’t find myself in a huge rush to return to Portland.”
“Oh.”
That was not reassuring at all. Tightness was spreading through his chest, squeezing his heart and lungs. This was not a heart attack. Heartbreak, maybe. But he wasn’t having a heart attack.
Will clenched his molars together and fought to control his expression. They needed to talk this through. Maybe Charlie didn’t understand that he wasn’t just talking about the city.
“But we’ve had a lot of fun this past year, as well,” Will pressed, hating the strangled tone that was wrapping around his words. “Why should that end, right? I was thinking that I could take the job offer for this hospital, and we could continue…”
Charlie turned to glare at the coffee table in front of him before Will even finished speaking. “Will, you know my posting in Paris is temporary.”
“Sure. But—”
“I’ll be finishing up here in the next month. Our next job is lined up for Vienna.”
It was on the tip of his tongue to boldly state that he’d follow Charlie to Austria. It wasn’t a big deal. He’d go wherever Charlie went. He was a doctor now. The world was always in desperate need of another doctor. As long as they got to stay together.
But the words didn’t come out because that wasn’t what Charlie wanted to hear. Charlie didn’t want him to go along to Vienna or anywhere else.
“We always said this was only about having fun while we were in the same city,” Charlie continued through Will’s choked silence.
“Yeah, I know. Just another piece of ass,” Will snarled. He shoved to his feet and stalked to the kitchen. They’d already finished the last bottle of wine, but he knew he had to have something else, something strong in the apartment. There was no fucking way he was getting through this night sober.
Charlie followed close on his heels. “Will, don’t. You know it’s not like that.”
He snorted. “Oh, please. You made it very clear that first night that you were going to fuck my brains out and not call the next day.”
Except he had.
Charlie called every day after the first night. They saw each other several times a week. They slept wrapped in each other more often than not. Will couldn’t imagine where he’d gotten the crazy idea that he meant something to this asshole.
He started opening and closing cabinets loudly while he searched for any kind of alcohol. Wasted. He needed to be wasted. He wasn’t expected to report to the hospital until late morning. If he began drinking now, he would have enough time to sober up. His body would be wrecked by the hangover and Charlie, but he’d be conscious.
“Will, listen, I never know where I’m going to be one day to the next. You can’t live your life waiting for me to return to you, never knowing when I might be back. That’s a shit life, and you deserve better than that,” Charlie argued.
Shoving away from the counter, he whirled to face Charlie, part of him hating that the man had four inches on him so that he was forced to look up. “It never occurred to you that I might be willing to go with you? Maybe I want to see more of the world and help as many people as I can, regardless of what country I’m in. Maybe it’s enough to do my job and be with you. Ever consider that?”
“Maybe that’s not enough for me.”
“No. What you mean is that I’m not enough for you. Fine. Whatever,” Will said, each word growing more clipped until he felt like he was breaking them off with his teeth. “Get out of here. I need to get some sleep for work tomorrow.”
