AllFreeNovel
Share Us
There's absolutely nothing like it.
It's almost the end of the day, and tomorrow there's a big festival at the other end of the world. The owners of the farm invited us, and since we're never actually invited to any local events, we jumped on it instantly.
I wave to some of the other workers, kneeling down next to the vegetable garden. My knees turn brown in the dirt, and I slide on my gloves, going back to work.
My eyes open to the sounds of clucking outside. My legs slide across my white sheets, and I plant my feet on the cool wooden floor, stretching my arms over my head. The owners expect us to be up with the sun. So of course, on a weekend, my body just automatically wants to get up when the first chicken of the day starts clucking.
I slide on some shorts over my underwear and step outside, shielding my hand over my eyes as I watch the sun start to rise across the ocean. I head toward the beach, the sand cool against my feet after sitting under the dark sky all night. The tide has just lowered, so most of the sand is wet. Each footstep creates a footprint against the sand. I walk until the water covers my ankles, the cold waves crashing against my skin.
It's beautiful here.
How someone can feel so lost and so found is beyond me. This isn't home. It never has been, and unfortunately, it never will be. I know this, and I knew it the moment I stepped off the plane.
The long plane ride from California to here was torturous. My mind couldn't get off the fact that Roman has a girlfriend. For all I know, they could be engaged by now. She could be pregnant.
Just that thought alone makes my chest heave. My spine curls over in pain, my foot stepping forward on a particularly sharp rock as I catch myself from planting straight into the ocean.
Everyone watched me on that plane. No matter how hard I tried to hide my face against the window or bury my head in my hands as I tried to quell my tears, they wouldn't stop. The agony in my chest was excruciating, and if I were to be honest, that pain hasn't really lessened over time.
I’ve just grown numb.
I know at some point I'll go home. This is just another pit stop in my life. Another place I'm trying to find myself. The thing is, I know there's nothing to be found. Since the day I left, I knew who I was, it's just taken a while for me to figure it out.
I figure my time here must be coming close to the end. It's hard to leave a place this beautiful, though. Serene. Complete paradise. I've been living in my head for months, not having anyone to talk about things with.
I've spoken with Nora once. My mom passed her email along to me, so I was able to make one and reached out to her. It was brief, and I know she wanted to know more, but to tell her about my journey over email didn't seem right.
The water is cold this morning as it crashes against my ankles. The palm trees blow against the wind, my long hair flowing against my back and hitting my waist. I've barely cut it over the years, only trimming it when the ends grow frayed. I try to tell myself I don't keep it long because of him, but I know that's a lie.
I do everything because of him. I breathe air into my lungs because of him. It doesn't matter if he's across the world or if he has a ring on someone else's finger. He might not be mine, but I'll always be his. We may not be together ever again. Maybe I'll end up alone for the rest of my life, but Roman Hall has a part of my soul, and I don't ever believe he'll give it back to me.
I stay in the water until my feet are numb from the cold, then walk out, the sand sticking to the soles as I walk across the beach. I head back to my cabin, grabbing an avocado from a large basket sitting in front of the main house. This little area that I live and work in is smack-dab in the middle between where the tourists and the locals live. I call it the edge of the world, since I live neither on one side nor the other. There is a larger house, which is where the owners of the farm live, and they have small cabins and huts surrounding the main house, which are where all the workers sleep. Some end up bunking together, but I was lucky enough to end up in a one-bedroom cabin. The main house is almost hotel-like, with a kitchen and living area. Like a bed and breakfast of sorts.
Behind the main house and all the cabins, is the field where we work. None of us have to travel far, only feet from our house and we can begin our day.
Since today is the weekend, I have the entire day to pass until the party over on the local’s side tonight.
With my oversized avocado in hand, I walk through the field, making sure to not step on any fruits or vegetables that I’m working so hard to grow, and into the forest. I find my spot near the oversized tree, with a trunk so large it's as wide as four trees at home. The tree has changed over time, and now the bottom slopes toward the ground. As the earth settled and the roots shifted, it created a curved chair, perfect for me. I've found this is my favorite spot, shaded from the sun, still close enough that I can hear the waves of the ocean if I listen closely. It's a spot I've spent most of my free time. Thinking, talking, listening to the earth around me. It'smyplace.
I settle in, slouching down and closing my eyes. The sides of the tree curl around me, and I burrow in, letting sleep take me once again.
I wake up to the feeling of a tickle on my leg. I twitch, the avocado falling from my palm and rolling onto the ground with athump. I sit up, looking down and see a huge centipede the size of my palm crawling around my ankle. It's thin, but the legs are long, each one slapping against my skin as it walks up my leg. It's dark brown with orangish legs, and as my eyes widen, I swear I see it look directly at me.
Oh, shit.
I scream, shaking my foot and getting up, running as quickly as I can out of the forest, completely forgetting about my avocado. I've seen them before, but I've never had oneon mebefore. I've never touched one, and I've never fucking wanted to, either.
I shiver the entire way out of the forest, slapping at my skin as a constant tickly feeling racks my spine.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. No, just no.
Once I’m out of the forest, my body calms, although I still scratch and slap at my legs as I walk back through the field. Looking up at the sky, I see the sun tilting toward the west.Shit, I must have slept the entire morning away.
The party will be starting soon.
I head back to the house and see the other workers loading into the back of a truck. They wave to me, and I put up a finger, telling them to give me a minute. I rush into my room, changing out of my shorts and shirt for a creamy dress. I run a brush through my hair, the humidity today making it a little wavier than it usually is.
I walk into the bathroom, looking at my pink-tinged cheeks. After all these years in the sun, my skin still hasn't turned as bronzed as everyone else’s. I still have my palish hue. Although, it now looks like I have a permanent tint of blush on my cheeks and nose. A dusting of freckles has also popped up along my skin, dotting along my nose and the apples of my cheeks like tiny sprinkles.
