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“No. And I haven’t even been back to visit her grave,” I said, a sick soup of guilt whirling in the pit of my stomach.
“I haven’t been there, either. Not since her funeral. I want to go, but…”
“But it’s not easy. I feel the same way. Maybe after the cruise, you and I can…go together.”
Carlie sniffed, “I’d like that very much.”
I heard Roger’s voice in the background. “Honey, is everything okay? You’re crying.”
“Yes dear. It’s Rick. He’s asked us to go on a cruise with him. Isn’t that wonderful?” she said.
“I’ll let you know when I’m more awake,” Roger said. “I’m going to make us some coffee.”
“Sorry Carlie. I promise to call at a more reasonable time next time,” I said.
“Don’t you ever feel bad about calling me. You’re my brother. I’m always here for you anytime you want to talk. I love you, Rick.”
“I love you too, Carlie. I’ll send you the ticket information and I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.”
I ended the call and tossed my phone onto the desk. I had invited them because I wanted someone there to represent my family, but now her being there meant so much more. It wasn’t just my relationship with Valentina that I’d closed myself away from all those years ago, but with my sister as well. We had talked, but sporadically. And even then, we never spoke about anything of substance. Maybe she thought it would push me further away. She would’ve been right. But that was then. I’ve changed.
I’m not sure how or when, but there was something within me that…wanted more. More with Valentina, and now with my sister. I want a family again.
There were too many emotions for me to unpack and process. I thought I knew everything, but I didn’t. Carlie was right, talking about what happened, helped. I was so wrong for burying it all these years. The only way I’m really going to be the man Valentina deserves, is by facing my past, what happened and my actions after, before telling Valentina what she means to me.
There wasn’t much time, but I knew a therapist who said that I could call anytime. I never was ready before, but I am now.
This isn’t just for me. It’s for all of us. For the family I want to have.
