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Rayne
I feel like a giant asshole,and it makes absolutely no sense. And yet, I can't seem to forget the expression on Phantom's face when he threatened to kill me. He looked like a man desperate to keep the woman he loved. A desperation I'd felt myself many times since my death.
And I hate that I can relate to this strange man. Well, to all three of the men, with their eyes filled with love every time they look at my mate. It's like seeing my own emotions, which should make me feel connected with them, and it does, but it also gives me the sense that we're in competition with each other.
But there's no competing with fated mates... at least, that's how I'd always understood it. Ann is mine. I am hers. Yes, fae can have multiple fated mates, but the men usually have a bond that makes them a unit, and then they together fall in love with a woman. It's true these men have a unit themselves, but I'm on the outside of that.
In my experience, I've never seen anything like this.
But then, there's a lot that hasn't made sense since I died.
Finding a stream in the quiet woods, a stream I'd seen Ann and the men bathe in before, I take off the warrior's clothes I'm wearing and step into the water. A shiver rolls up my spine. The morning sun has just barely made its way over the horizon, and the water still holds the chill of the night. But I don't care. I just want to feel clean.
No, I want to feel likeme. Like I did before.
Naked, I wade deeper into the water and go under the surface. I scrub at my hair and body, trying to wash away the scents on this body. The general feeling of misuse. When I'd first awoke in it, I'd just felt... like myself. Like I finally had a way for Ann to see me and speak to me once more. But the more I use this body, the more I feel like it isn't my own. It's massive compared to my other body in all ways, taller, more muscular, and somehow less... regal, as dumb as that sounds.
And now that some of the shock of "coming back to life," has worn off... I feel strange. I keep thinking back to my time as a ghost. Before Ann was taken by the shadow beasts, I remember very little. That I was murdered in the dark tunnels beneath the academy, yes, but not much beyond that. And then, Ann was taken. It was like the dim world I was in, where time seemed to have no meaning, was gone, and I was just left to shadow her.
But that's all I was. A shadow. A part of me always knew that eventually I'd go to wherever a ghost went when they were done with whatever was anchoring them to this earth. My heart broke watching Ann get taken. It broke me even more that I couldn't do anything to ease her fear of the shadow beasts. But even while she feared them, even while something inside of me raged at not being able to protect my mate, I recognized myself in those men. I saw the way they looked at her and knew they could no more hurt her than I could.
I, well, I watched her falling in love with them. And in my ghostly form, I felt confusion. This war, this danger, was not part of our world. Ann should have been safe, with her family or at the academy, not dragged into the woods with a dark shadow waiting to consume us all. It felt unfair after all she'd been through, and a part of me blamed these men for putting her in this situation.
Scrubbing my body in the water, I notice goosebumps forming all over my skin, but the chill is good. It's clearing my head, making my time as a ghost feel further and further away. I try to focus on what was important in that dark time. But all I remember is having a deep sense that Ann was in danger, and that she was falling in love with the shadow beasts.
I could do nothing about the situation. I couldn't help anyone, or change the path my love was on. But now I can, and yet, it still feels like I'm a ghost. Ann ignored me when I tried to keep her away from the battle, then proved me wrong in every way by ending the battle with power I never knew she had inside of her.
My shy fae… has changed.
Still, after she saved them, I naturally assumed we'd be gone, away from this war, and away from these shadow beasts, these creatures of legends. Instead, my mate seems to have no idea who she wishes to be with, nor what path she wants to be on, and that's frustrating as hell. What's more, the shadow beasts don't seem to like me in any way. It’s like they blame me for being in Adrik’s body, for coming to her, for being alive. I never thought it was possible and I sure as fuck don’t understand the magic that made it happen, but I’m here. With Ann. Where I belong.
I don’t know how long the magic will last or if it’s going to fade before I get the chance to see this through. All I know is that I have this chance and I’m going to take it. Being with her is all I want. To make sure she’s safe. Happy. Protected.
But I can feel that she loves the others. If not loves, has feelings for the others.
I can’t tell her it’s wrong. I can’t beg her to be with me because I don’t know what the future will hold. And because, well, I don’t beg.
Even if this whole situation is making me miserable.
When I feel clean enough, I get out of the river and dry under the rising sun. Then, I put the clothes back on, which isn't what I'd prefer. Clean clothes would be far better, but at least these seem to be fresh. And since I'm no longer at my manor, or at the school, I don't have servants to lay out nice clothes or serve delicious meals. This outfit seems like only the first of many adjustments I'll have to make until I can convince Ann that we don't belong here.
Not that I need all the luxuries my life as a powerful royal fae brought me. They’re just nice.
I walk through the woods back to their little cave. It’s quiet, time to think about all the things being back means. If only I could figure out what those things are. I have no idea. Maybe a greater purpose? Maybe because I wanted so badly to be with her? Maybe she wished me back? I don’t know. I just want to figure it out.
“Rayne?” An old man steps out from behind a tree to stop in front of me. I'm so startled by this random man in the woods that it takes me a minute to realize that he didn’t call me Adrik.So he knows who I am.
But I know who he is too. Elder Auero. The man my Ann and her men had gone to for advice. Not quite the leader of the shadow beasts here on earth, but someone that has a wealth of knowledge within him. And someone who, apparently, has the ability to listen to the whispers of shadows, whatever that means.
I straighten my back and square my shoulders. “Yes?”
“A word?” He says it like I have a choice. He’s an old man—really old—blocking my way.
I nod. “Okay.”
He takes a moment, purses his lips, chooses his words. “She’s vulnerable. And you make her more so.”
I don’t know that I like where this thing is going. “I make her vulnerable?”
