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I sit beside him, and he wraps an arm around my back as we stare into the crackling fire.
"I missed you so much," I admit.
He kisses the top of my head. "I missed you too."
I relax, closing my eyes, taking a moment to pretend we're not in the middle of the woods. Or in the middle of a war. Or that Rayne's existence has complicated things with Onyx, Dusk, and Phantom. I just lose myself, imagining that everything is back the way it once was.
He’s in Adrik’s body, but he’s Rayne. He smells like Rayne. Sounds like him. I’ve missed him with all the parts of myself that are responding to him right now, to the devastation of my loss, to the possibilities of his return.
Opening my eyes, I look at him, and he looks down at me, that familiar mischievous glint in his eyes. The one that always made me laugh. The one I imagined never seeing again. I kiss him and it’s perfection, soft and sweet and filled with happiness, just the way it always was, until he pulls back and puts his hands on my shoulders.
His sigh is loud in the silence of the cave. “Ann, I don’t know how long I’m going to be able to stay here.”
"What?" I was gone for a minute, lost in my fantasy, and his words are like a bucket of cold water.
"I'm a ghost. Ghosts don't stay around forever."
The fact that he’s back at all is a miracle I’ve only just begun to digest and he’s talking about leaving or not being around, which is the same in my head.Why? Why do we need to talk about that? Why do we need to think about it? Can't he just pretend along with me?
"One day, there's a good chance I'll be gone again."
“Don’t say that.” It feels like he's twisting a knife straight through my heart.
“Ann…” He shakes his head and whispers again, “Ann.”
“Don’t say it.” I lost him once. He has to know I can't lose him again.
His expression becomes unreadable. “Ann, could you walk away from them, from your... shadow beasts for me?”
How can I answer that two seconds after he’s told me he doesn’t know how long he’ll be able to be with me?“Rayne, you’re here.” It’s that simple and I don’t want to think past this moment. But it doesn’t answer his question. “I don’t know.” What I have with Rayne is one side of a coin, but Onyx and Phantom and Dusk are on the other and I don’t want to think about losing any of them. There’s been too much loss already.
He swears softly. "You really care about them, don't you?"
I don't answer him, but he reads the answer on my face.
"Maybe you'd even love them... maybe even feel the mate bond with them, if I was really gone?"
I feel tears burn my eyes. "It doesn't matter because you're here."
"It does, because if I can't be around forever, and they're your mates too..." He seems to be struggling to form the words. "Then you can't leave them behind. You have to make sure they win this battle, so you'll be safe. So you'll have a future with them."
My head is spinning. "What are you trying to say?"
He growls low in his throat, and I hear his teeth clench together. “You should make room in your heart to claim them as your mates”
My eyes widen because those words are the last ones I expected to hear from him. I don’t know if it’s a test or not, but it sure as hell isn’t permission. They’re only words. They have to be. This isn’t the Rayne I know. “What?”
“You’ll regret it if you don’t. I know it. You know it. If you don’t… the consequences…” This can’t be him either. Or he’s not just changed bodies.
Either way, it sounds like he’s trying to let me go. Again.
“It’s a prophecy. Do you know how many of those don’t come true?” My words sound far away, even to my own ears. And not at all logical. I feel like I need to pick a team, pick a path, and stick with it, but I can't seem to. I don't know why.
“And I know how many do.” He doesn’t, but he speaks with an undeniable force. “Are you willing to risk losing them because you’re afraid?”
What the fuck?“Afraid? Holy fuck, Rayne. Are you saying goodbye to me? Giving me your permission so I don’t get lost in my grief again?” It’s like he’s already out the door. “Fuck you, Rayne.”
He curls his fingers into my shoulders. “Listen to me, Ann. I’ve only ever done what’s best for you. Ever.”
