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I scoff because he honestly believes his own bullshit. It’s in his eyes. His tone. “You go ahead and lie to yourself all you want, but don’t you dare sit here and spew that idiocy at me.” I know too much and the pain of his lie rockets through me. Spurs me on. “You left me alone because you had some ridiculous quest for the truth for your sister and the dark fae. You left me alone. How was that what's best for me?”
The heat in my body radiates from a place deep in my chest. It burns along every one of my cells.
He stares at me, the kind of gaze that’s meant to wither my resolve. It’s a Rayne tactic and I’m immune.
“Do you care how fucking hard that was for me?” The tears come from the same place as the heat.
“It was necessary.”
“It wasn’t. It was ego. Your over-inflated ego.” That isn’t true. Probably isn’t even fair. But he left me and he’s laying the groundwork to do it again. I’m trying so hard to make it not matter, but it does in my heart where it’s always mattered, wherehematters.
"Ann." His voice is gentle, almost gentler than I've ever heard it. "You grew up with a stepfather who beat you. Who hurt you. Who made you feel ugly and unloved." My heart stops. My fingers are trembling when they come to my lips, but he just keeps talking. "I think if I hadn't been your fated mate, you never would have been able to let your guard down with me. You were... scared of men. Of all men. I'd see you flinch when one would try to touch you. I'd see you... Ann, is it possible some of that fear is triggering you now? Making you wonder if these men will hurt you like he did, intentionally or unintentionally?"
My tears become sobs and he pulls me to his chest, crushes me against him, and it’s like coming home. "M-maybe."
And that's all I can say, because I don't know. My stepfather is someone I try never to think about. I've placed that man in a dark place in my soul and walled him off from the rest of me. No matter how many times he hit me, no matter how many times he broke a bone or made me bleed, I told myself that he wasn't hurting me, he was just hurting my body. When he called me ugly and told me no one would ever love me, I told myself that everything he said was true, and because it was true, it couldn't hurt me. He was just stating facts. So the idea that any of that pain, any of those words could hurt me now is something I can't accept. Can't think about.
Because that man is behind a wall. If what he did to me is making me push the shadow beasts away, then my stepfather is still hurting me. Still has control over me. And I won't let that be real.
Even if some voice in the back of my head whispers that it could be.
"Don't let him take anything more from you," Rayne whispers, brushing away my tears.
"But if I lose you, it won't be because of him or anything in my control," I sob the words. "You could just be... gone, just as quickly as you came back."
He doesn't deny it, just strokes my arms.
"I can't lose you again," I tell him, then kiss him, tasting my own tears.
He pulls me into his lap and kisses me just a little harder, just a little more eagerly. It's like he wants to see how I feel, what I need, but I know what I need. I want to feel safe and unafraid, if only for a minute, the way I used to feel in his arms. My Rayne, he's safety and desire and passion all rolled into one. It’s his skin under my hand. His hair in my fist. Mine in his. His body lying on mine, touching me in all the ways I want to be touched. All the ways I want to be brought back to life.
He rolls so that I'm beneath him on the blankets, and his hands skim my rib cage and slide beneath my shirt to cup my breast. He holds himself up, but I want to be crushed under his weight. I want the decadence of his touch. He squeezes my breast, teases my nipple until I’m writhing beneath him, until my eyelids flutter closed and I’m lost in the sensations.
His tongue probes mine, duels with it until I plunge my hands into his hair and hang on because I’m free falling. I’m losing myself for the first time in so long in pleasure, not the pain of my past, not the pain and complication in my present. I'm just all nerves, nothing more.
When he grinds his hips I suck in a ragged breath, a plea for more. “Rayne.”
“Take your pants off, Ann.”
I need this now. I need him inside me. Real. Touching me, fucking me until I can’t breathe, until my eyes roll back, until I’m nothing but a quivering mass of woman surrendering to the passion and need.
I shed my clothes and lie on the blanket, waiting for his body to cover mine, to use this moment to reconnect with me. And he does. His weight presses down on me, a blanket of warmth and muscles. The weight of a man I love, who I’ve missed more than I can say. It’s perfect beneath him. Safe. A fantasy brought to life that I want to drown in.
He kisses me again, harder and longer, while stroking my arm until goosebumps rise on my flesh. I'm caught between panting and holding my breath, savoring each small touch, each small sound he makes. My thighs spread for him as he sinks down further, and he positions himself at my opening, his mouth still crushing mine, claiming mine.
At first, he just slides up and down in my wet folds with his long, hard erection. It’s almost painful. My nerves scream to life, screaming for more. But I force myself not to beg him to fuck me, because I know he will. When he’s ready.
WhenI’mready.
But then he does, surprising me, entering me with just his tip as my insides turn to jello. My nails dig into his back and I shift and wiggle, wanting him deeper, feeling impatient. But he senses what I need, and he slowly presses into me, one inch at a time, until he comes to his hilt. And, oh God, it feels amazing! His cock is hard, long, and thick, filling me in every way, and I moan at the delicious intrusion.
He rocks us while I gasp his name, then turns so I’m on top of him, letting me take control.
And I do, grinding my hips, riding his cock, letting every nerve inside of us scream in pleasure.
I throw my head back in ecstasy, my hands gripping his shoulders hard as I thrust myself on him over and over again. His body is powerful beneath me, his muscles corded, his thighs tight. My body trembles and shakes, shifts to go deeper until pleasure spirals through me, until my stomach clenches and cries erupt from my throat. “Rayne!”
I keep saying his name, keep riding the waves of my desire until I feel him coming too. And it's perfection. A moment in time I'll never forget. A moment I never thought I could have again.
