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I collapse on top of him and he strokes my hair, breathing hard. I feel like everything that matters is finally clear. I'm going to enjoy having Rayne back as long as I can. I'm going to pretend that I'll never lose him again. And I'll make it clear to Onyx, Phantom, and Dusk that I care for them too, and they won't be second to Rayne. They just need to give me a little more time.
It feels as if things might actually turn out well.
I turn my head, adjusting, and spot Phantom at the entrance to the cave. A cold chill rolls over me, and every muscle in my body stiffens. The look on his face, it's like I used my hands to rip his heart out of his chest.How stupid was I to think I could have this time with Rayne without… this?
Phantom staggers back and away from us, his face pale. The pain in his eyes is a blow to my very soul, and then he turns and leaves. Just walks away, like I hadn't just hurt him.
Shit."Phantom!" I push away from Rayne in a panic. I have to fix this! It isn't a desire; I’m compelled by a force greater than most.
I start to stand and Rayne grabs my wrist. “Leave it alone, Ann.”
I jerk away, hard. “No.”Doesn't he understand? Can't he imagine what Phantom is thinking right now?"He's going to think... he's going to be hurt..."
He shakes his head and lowers his hand. “Ann, if I was the only true mate you have, him seeing us wouldn’t matter to you.” Like I need him to clarify he adds, “You wouldn’t care that he caught us.”
It isn’t an accusation, but a statement.
“Fuck.” He doesn’t get it. I’m not sure I do either. “Fuck.” I dress in a hurry and walk out of the cave because I have to repair all the things I’ve made wrong, before it's too late.
I’ve hurt them by refusing to be their mate. By bringing Rayne back with me. And the last thing these men need is more hurt and more pain.
By the time I get to the river where Onyx, Phantom and Dusk are sitting, they’re fully dressed, clean from a dip in the water, their long hair left loose. But as much of a rush as I was to reach them, I have no clue what to do now. I’m more confused than when this all started.
What do I even tell them?Yes, I slept with Rayne. Yes, I've refused to mate with them. It seems like a clear message that I've chosen him over them, but it's not. It doesn't mean that. It's just... confusing.
"H-Hi," I stutter out lamely.
Dusk and Phantom stare at me, but Onyx won’t even look in my direction. The anger and hurt coming off of them is palpable. Phantom told them. Of course he did. And my betrayal is what I see in their faces.
"I'm sorry about... that."Damn it. Do I really lack all social skills? Is that really the best I can come up with?
Phantom crosses his arms in front of his chest, but his face has the same hard, cold look it gets when he talks to the other shadow beasts. “You are free to go, Ann. Whenever you’re ready.”
“Free to go?”What the hell does that mean?
“We won’t stop you.” Phantom won’t meet my gaze now. He’s angry. They all are. And it radiates off them like another presence.
"But what about the shadow king and the war? The prophecy?"
Phantom looks toward the river, his mouth in a thin line. "That's none of your concern. Just forget you were ever here."
Forget?"You don't mean that..." My voice comes out high and hurt.
Dusk shoots me a glare and I almost shrink back. “Wewantyou to go.” There is such venom in his tone I can’t be sure I heard all the words correctly.
“What?”
When I don’t move, they stand, leaving me looking after them, taking my heart and all the little shattered pieces of it with them so that all I can do is crumble and cry. This is what I deserve for what I've done. Of course it is. So why does it feel so wrong?
Maybe because I love them.
I cry harder.
6
Dusk
She’s still there,sobbing at the bank of the river. The scene is familiar except that in my memory, I was the one broken-hearted, devastated at my loss. Once upon a time, there was a woman the three of us loved, and she turned away from us for another man. She was never our mate, but we loved her. Cared for her in all the ways men could. And it still wasn't enough.
